Hello. I am new to this site/group. I am a long time sufferer of depression/anxiety. Was diagnosed in my early 20’s but was depressed since early teens,I just didn’t know it. This stemmed from losing my 15 year old brother in a tragic car accident back in 88.I was 12 at the time. It has been over 30 years but I remember every detail like it was yesterday. Fast forward, now age 44, I still have not recovered fully. I suppose one never does when they lose a loved one. I have not felt that kind of pain and feeling of being lost until One month ago. I woke up one morning and found my 15 year old kitty had passed away. Since I never married or had kids I was especially close to him and him to I. I got him as a kitten in the middle of a difficult time I was going through and he changed my life for the better. I still had depressed times along with anxiety but being with my precious Ellis helped so much. For years I had thought about and feared when that day would come… I knew he would someday not be with me. But I did not expect it to come now. I knew he was getting up there in the years but thought I would have a few more good years with him since he was a strictly indoor cat and was not sick to my knowledge….he was eating good and seemed fine. My whole world has been flipped upside down. I have two other cats that I love very much and they are comforting but the bond is nowhere near what I had with Ellis. I dont think I’ll ever be truly happy again. Sure there are times with family and friends that I laugh and am OK. It’s when I’m in my house alone that is so gut wrenching. I expect to see him waiting at the door when I come home or lining up with the other cats when treat time comes. He was so very special and heart is completely broken.