Oh my goodness, @joyces, I can only imagine what you are going through. I have been through a few similar things but nothing nearly as drastic as you have, and your husband is younger than you to boot!
I wish I had a suggestion of how to make your husband wake up and realize that he needs to shoulder some of the burden of life too. I think women in general are often more able to be independent (sorry guys, I know that’s not true of all men), and expect to be taken care of.
I too tend to be non-adversarial and find it easier to just put up with things rather than have conflict, although I have been a little less that way as I have aged - again, just a little.
I do not like ultimatums but since your husband has chosen to be entirely dependent on you for everything maybe it’s time to take that tack and tell him that he has to pitch in, or you could just hold back from doing everything for him and force him to do for himself. I realize that’s harsh, and before taking those measures you should have a session with a counselor. Even better if you can get him to go to a counselor with you. I think counseling is your best option if you want to preserve your marriage.
JK