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Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question
Aging Well | Last Active: Mar 23 9:13pm | Replies (473)Comment receiving replies
Thank you for your kind words.
There was one social thing that made it easier for me to leave my old home. For a number of reasons, I had never developed really deep friendships with my old neighbours. My kids never went to the local schools. Most families on the street were either younger or older than we were. My husband had long term health issues. I was often busy working long hours, etc. My neighbours were nice people and we were friendly but we never developed those deep connections so I didn't feel the wrench of leaving them behind.
I actually find socializing much easier now because I don't have so far to travel. I used to have to drive about half an hour to the subway. Now I just walk a block to the station. My friends and I meet close to the subway line so it's simple for all of us. I have reconnected with some long ago friends who happen to live in the new neighbourhood and, because of the change of location, I am able to spend more time with a couple of volunteer organizations that are full of lovely people.
My main source of friendship and community is my Unitarian church. It's easily accessible from my new place and there are always activities, volunteer jobs and social events going on. It was my fallback when I retired. I never worried about what I was going to do with all my "free" time once I quit working.
Of course, the time will come when I won't be able to just hop on the train so easily and I have thought, like you, about the benefits of "built in" social activities. I agree that well run seniors' homes are vastly preferable to little old folks living in isolation but Covid has definitely pointed up the disadvantages of nursing homes. Over the years, friends and I have often talked about a "Golden Girls" arrangement. There is a lot to be said for co-housing for people who have some money to invest in it. A few friends buying a place large enough to each have a private "bed sit" with a big common area for eating and socializing. Built in card parties and movie nights. Lots of money saved by only having one structure, one laundry room, one furnace, maybe one vehicle, etc and eventually maybe one support person to help out. It's a thought.
Meanwhile, the goal is to stay as healthy and strong as possible for as long as possible. As someone I know often says, "Healthy, healthy, healthy, dead".
Replies to "Thank you for your kind words. There was one social thing that made it easier for..."
Good afternoon @starchy, I loved that you shared your exploration of a "Golden Girls" arrangement. Isn't it wonderful to have friends who would take care of each other willingly because they have made bonding a priority and loving-kindness their modus operandi?
I only know one woman who has done that very thing. In Burlington VT. It is sort of "Campfire Girls for Grandmothers". My cousin decided to invest in the design, building, and management. I think it has been quite successful.
Also of interest and maybe for this discussion is the importance of continuing to have deep social connections and friendships. How do you maintain the ones you had before you left and how long does it normally take to meet new "special friends" in a new community?
When I left my village last spring, I had been there for 20 years and had many acquaintances. I owned a business and had many customers. When it came time to decide, I realized that I had 5 "campfire grannies". One I had known for 72 years. Our check-in calls can be 3 hours long.
Who in your life makes your heart smile when you see their name on the phone? Who do you think of first when there is news to share? How do we show that we treasure these relationships?
Happy spring..........we had orioles this morning....time for grape jelly and oranges. These are "snooty" orioles, they will only eat "Welches"
May you all have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris
@starchy - I love your description! That is exactly what we have in our winter community - all living in tiny houses or RV's, looking out for each other, sharing laundry, pool, rec hall, and built-in activities. Unfortunately, it ends when ones ability to travel ends, but we extend our friends' years by the more able looking out for the less able. Many are so comfortable with the support there that they choose to have elective surgeries when in residence knowing they will be well cared for.
We too, have cordial but not close contact with most neighbors, so when the time comes, all I will miss are my gardens. I have begun looking at options but I hope it is a few years off. We had casually discussed a couples arrangement such as the "Golden Girls" with friends in the past, but as we age, we stretch and they contract - can't think how it might work out.
Fr now, I'm loving this discussion - it has fired up my brain.
Sue
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@starchy, If my memory is correct, you mentioned gardening in one of your earlier posts. I want to invite you to take a look at, enjoy, and share your thoughts and any gardening experiences with other gardening members.
Let's Talk about Gardens
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/lets-talk-about-gardens/