Connect
How do you accept change as you age?
Aging and accepting our changes is never easy!
One of my favorite sayings is ‘it’s a good thing our children grow older, but parents don’t!’ Often I wish this was true and while it’s a positive message, not our reality.
Like it or not, time and life take their toll on us and we change. However accepting these changes can be a challenge in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Both physically and emotionally I might add.
I remember well after caring for my wife for the first seven years of her war with brain cancer my dad passed away and I was able to get to his memorial service. I was very excited to see our two grandsons and decided being ‘as young as you feel’, and wanting to make up for lost time entered into a rousing game of Freeze Tag in the hotel’s front yard. All went well until I made too fast a deke and found myself flying across far more sod than I should have been! Result? Four broken ribs, a painfully long recovery, and a reminder I’m not as agile as I once was!
I also realize that the realistic view of our age is not relegated to ourselves alone. I’ve spoken with our adult children about this and they have said they don’t really see me as aging, but just as ‘Dad’, who they want to do all the same things with they have done in the past. On the other hand, our grandsons see me as ‘grandpa’ and are comfortable ‘just having me around’ especially if there happens to be a Dairy Queen nearby!
So it is I‘ve begun to think more about the importance of accepting the changes and limitations imposed on us as we advance in age. While I’m not cashing in any chips I don’t need to, I have found I do avoid a few challenges I used to gladly accept. For instance last summer I went whitewater rafting on some Class V rapids. After almost drowning, I have forgone any return trips to rivers with this class of rapids. I swim well, just not as far and as long as I used to be able to while fully clothed and in heavy gear.
While I miss those rapids and full contact Freeze Tag, I know why my grandmother often told me ‘discretion is the better part of valor’.
As you age, are you practicing discretion, even when you wish you didn’t have to? Is it hard like it is for me?
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.
Connect
@cldmeyers, I also suffered a lengthy bout of recovery from plantar fasciitis and discovered in the process a whole new level of respect for feet. Only wish I'd written what you expressed in your last two sentences because they fit me to a tee!
" My mind is ready for anything, but my body says, "you've got to be kidding me." Acceptance has been a new word for me.
@abmjr, Have to heartily agree with you as well that "aging is a learning experience like none other". So true! And once we do accept that we need more breaks and shorter activity periods, it becomes a time of gratitude for what we can still do.
Thanks to you both for these posts.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsGood morning everyone, It's been awhile since I've been here so a lot has happened. I took a trip to Ohio to be with my daughter when she had some tests run on her heart, it's roughly 489 miles one way.. The trip up there went smoothly and outside of being a little tired I was fine. I stayed 3 days and headed home. On the way back both feet and ankles swelled up with a 3 + pitting edema. I ended up stopping and spending the night about half was home. The swelling went down over night and I was able to complete my trip. When I did get back home I was so tired I just went to bed and slept all night. I have driven that trip many many times over the years without a problem and it had been about 2 years prior that I had been up there, but this time that trip kicked my butt. I became very depressed in the days that followed. Not sure where it was coming from but I felt terrible. I just felt so unloved, unwanted and felt cast aside by my family. I mowed the grass and cried the whole time. I have a granddaughter living just 15 minutes away that wouldn't come help me if I were on my death bed. I have a grandson about 45 minutes away who I hear from maybe 3 times a year. My son was in a pretty dark place himself at that time and had pulled one of his disappearing acts and I just felt lower than a snakes belly. Long story short, while all these things are true, I started pulling out of my depression and am back to my old self again. But It makes me wonder how many aging people feel this way. So, anyway since I had been out of state and since I had all the edema, my Dr. felt it a good idea to have it checked out and also wanted me to have the test for COVID. I went in for the test and had an EKG, Blood work and chest Xray to rule out any heart condition. All my test results came back fine including the COVID which came back neg. So, what I have taken away from all this is that I will definitely rethink making another long distance trip with me at the helm and as for my family, I still feel distanced from them until they want something but have decided to let them know how I feel and let them know I may not be as available for favors in the future, and that putting my health and wellbeing first is too important to be overlooked. At the time of this writing, I am feeling much better and I look forward to reading all the posts I've missed. Jeanie
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsJeanie26, sounds like you've been through a rough time, but you are now doing better. Family is important, but your health is Number 1, so take care of yourself and do what you have to do to maintain that health. I am fortunate to have a loving family that looks out for each other. Even if your family is not there for you, I hope you have friends and acquaintances you can reach out to via phone/email for comfort and outside contact with the world. Take care of yourself and be strong.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHello, Featherstep 1, thank you for your reply to my post. Actually, I am a empath and enjoy my alone time and I choose not to have any friends except online. I do have 3 friends that all live out of state that I have known for 60+ years each and still stay in touch but I don't share a lot of my life and whats going on in it with them. They all have more than their share of problems and they certainly don't need mine too. I rely on my online forums like this one to be heard. I also belong to a prayer group as a pray warrior and to an Empath group. Other that that I am seldom outspoken on any of my personal issues. I am basically a happy person. I have 8 grandchildren 4 grown and 4 younger, I have 7 great grandchildren that are my very breath that I breathe. All are reasonably close except 1. My great-grandchildren range in age from 2 years old to 16 years old. 6 boys and 1 girl. I very often have 1 of the older boys at my house, age 10, 12 years. They help me a little around the house and are a true joy to have around. My only great-granddaughter looks just like her grandma ( my daughter ) which was killed 5 years ago. My daughter always wanted a granddaughter but only had 4 grandsons when she died. Kylie was born after her death along with another grandson. Sometimes, I look at Kylie and I can't really say anything, I just smile and thank God that my daughter lives on through her. While it's true I spend most of my time alone or with one of the boys, I am far from being lonely, Two things that I have never felt is loneliness or boredom, just lucky I guess since I hear they are both pretty bad feelings. Yes, you're right, taking care of ones health needs to take a backseat to nothing. I do try to take care of myself and right now I need to loose about 30 lbs of belly fat. I have been having some shortness of breath and my Dr. feels it's due to the belly fat being so high. I am trying to stick to a KETO diet and while I've only lost 3-4 lbs, it's a start. I feel very blessed , unloved sometimes but very blessed. So no real complaints here. I hope to hear from you again. thanks again... Jeanie
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsI am sorry that you lost your daughter.
A beautiful way to look at your granddaughter. Your daughter left you a precious gift. She lives on through this little girl.
In a way, we have lost our daughter. She lives far away.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@jeanie26, Until your post on 7/23rd stating you are an “empath”, I’d never looked for more information regarding that term. I seem to be a magnet for listening to others’ troubles and have long been accused of being "too sensitive".
I’ve always imagined that my highly sensitive (hsp) nature stemmed from early events beginning in childhood. However, much of what this article addresses has long been true for me as well: https://www.learnreligions.com/traits-of-empaths-1724671
Until middle age, I was confused and perplexed that others did not feel nor respond as deeply to others or situations as I. While this trait makes me an excellent listener, confidence keeper, and caregiver, it also becomes a burden because if another is hurting, I hurt too.
Empathy can be both a blessing and a curse. Most consider me an extrovert because I meet people easily and love to communicate. However, those who know me best know that personal privacy and times of solitude are a necessity.
Because I can be easily overwhelmed and too immersed in the problem sharing of others, I work at setting boundaries. I seem to pick up nuances others don’t register. I wish I were more adept at “rolling with the punches”. I seem to take things harder and ruminate over them longer than most others I know.
Your post sent me on a new adventure and I am grateful for insights and confirmations of what I experience but hadn’t known there was a label for. Thank you.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@jeanie26, I'm just rereading your post and sending you condolences on the tragic loss of your daughter. What a gift your grands and great grands are in your life and what a blessing that you can be with them often.
I just want to add that it is really nice to meet another who never experiences boredom. I do occasionally feel a spurt of loneliness but that passes quickly. So many I know complain of boredom and the need for constant companionship. Solitude and simple pleasures may make me boring, vbg, but I am very content and celebrate a quiet environment with as few outside stressors as possible.
Recent events have led me to "overload" so stopping again all news media exposure and withdrawing from communications of which I feel vulnerable and uncertain will help restore my happier equilibrium.
And if you decide you have some extra pounds to spare, please feel free to send them my way, ok? Smiles
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@jeanie26 Like fiesty76 I just saw your post my condolences for the lose of your daughter Everytime you look at Kylie you,LL see your daughter how precious for you
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reactionto Scott: As far as I'm concerned aging is a bloody, scary bore and should be eliminated -although the alternative - expiring - is not good either. We are in the midst of so much "ageism" today, which denies the wisdom and experience that comes with growing old. It angers me as we "old bats" have so much to offer young people - instead we tend to be discarded in the heap of humanity that appears uneducated too often and lacks standards of behavior. I am also appalled at the scores of young who have no sense of history , no knowledge of the past to learn from which is so often a lesson for the future. Sorry to be so negative about aging, but since I'll be 89 in two months , have lived an interesting life and plan to keep going - I feel I have a right to speak my mind.
I realize I'm out of sync with your formula for communication at Mayo clinic. connect, and will probably be corrected by the powers that be, so this just might be my last post.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI'm with @sapphira. I'm 86 and have so much to share.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions