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How do you accept change as you age?
Aging and accepting our changes is never easy!
One of my favorite sayings is ‘it’s a good thing our children grow older, but parents don’t!’ Often I wish this was true and while it’s a positive message, not our reality.
Like it or not, time and life take their toll on us and we change. However accepting these changes can be a challenge in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Both physically and emotionally I might add.
I remember well after caring for my wife for the first seven years of her war with brain cancer my dad passed away and I was able to get to his memorial service. I was very excited to see our two grandsons and decided being ‘as young as you feel’, and wanting to make up for lost time entered into a rousing game of Freeze Tag in the hotel’s front yard. All went well until I made too fast a deke and found myself flying across far more sod than I should have been! Result? Four broken ribs, a painfully long recovery, and a reminder I’m not as agile as I once was!
I also realize that the realistic view of our age is not relegated to ourselves alone. I’ve spoken with our adult children about this and they have said they don’t really see me as aging, but just as ‘Dad’, who they want to do all the same things with they have done in the past. On the other hand, our grandsons see me as ‘grandpa’ and are comfortable ‘just having me around’ especially if there happens to be a Dairy Queen nearby!
So it is I‘ve begun to think more about the importance of accepting the changes and limitations imposed on us as we advance in age. While I’m not cashing in any chips I don’t need to, I have found I do avoid a few challenges I used to gladly accept. For instance last summer I went whitewater rafting on some Class V rapids. After almost drowning, I have forgone any return trips to rivers with this class of rapids. I swim well, just not as far and as long as I used to be able to while fully clothed and in heavy gear.
While I miss those rapids and full contact Freeze Tag, I know why my grandmother often told me ‘discretion is the better part of valor’.
As you age, are you practicing discretion, even when you wish you didn’t have to? Is it hard like it is for me?
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@IndianaScott- I find that I try and fight getting older but I never win! I can slop on as many serums and oils on my body as I want but still have to chase parts of my body on their downward road and wonder when that happened! Is this really me in the mirror? I've had to work hard in my life to mature from an overprotected upbringing and I'm happy that I have gotten over the worst of it but have held on to some playful times. As Ginger said, "not very well" at somethings because I'm in bed before the times that I use to go out partying. I tire so much more easily than I used to so spending long days frolicking somewhere is out of the question. I spend more time at home, even before the pandemic. I can look at things more from afar and enjoy them as Ginger says, from a different perspective. I delight more in being in nature than making sure that I have some makeup on for my walks. I care less about what people say or think of me and think more about how I can help people, how can I change to be a better person? I try to be more empathetic and less bossy or aggressive. I'm competitive and love to win but question more what is important in the verbal exchange.
I'm glad that I have lived far longer than I expected to with lung cancer. I've lived almost 23 years more than what was anticipated. It's put me in the fast lane of growing up in one way and has made me step back and slow down in others. I've overcome addictions and recovered from bad choices. I can look back at them more with thinking, boy, was that stupid and flushing less from self embarrassment.
I don't love the idea of knowing that most likely I've lived more than 75% of my life. But I'd much rather be me, here and now, with all that I have and love. I have surprised myself. I thought that I'd age with less finesse, kicking, and screaming. I'm still surprising myself!
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4 ReactionsThere is a lot of food for thought. I especially like the part that says, "I care less about what people say or think of me and think more of how I can help people..." Thank you for your thoughts. They were very helpful.
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3 Reactions@merpreb Merry I read this "... but still have to chase parts of my body on their downward road and wonder when that happened! Is this really me in the mirror?" and it made me laugh. Last week, our daughter was telling us she calls her younger son "Daddy's Mini-me" and had to explain to her 4 year old that means he looks like Daddy. He asked he's like, and she said "Grandma Sue." He ran and looked in the mirror and "No! I don't look like her!" Sometimes I too look in the mirror and think "I don't look like her" - too many creases and wrinkles, too much gray...
But like you, I am here, I am enjoying life, albeit more slowly, and I want to keep going as long as I can.
Sue
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3 Reactions@sueinmn- Good morning Sue. I like a slower pace even if I find it hard to sit still. After so many years of living it's time for reflection too. I have no idea if there is an afterlife. If there is, then I want to have learned my life lessons about my journey so it wouldn't have been just an evolutionary process.
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2 Reactions@merpreb I still have a little trouble with the slower pace. I have had years of slow moving, but so far have been able to pick back up - maybe not to previous levels, but at least a little. The worst for me is hands giving out - at least they can still repair them. But I don't relish 3 months of healing time/therapy that is coming.
Sue
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2 Reactions@sueinmn- Doctors always shorten the time for healing. Beware of this. But if you need to get something done then do it, maybe a bit toward August?
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1 Reaction@merpreb Three months is my estimate - the doc actually said 5 but I have had this done on the other hand too - that's what it took with diligent twice a day home PT - but total time back to full use is just about 1 year. This will be my 10th? ortho surgery for the tolls arthritis is taking on my body, but I'm a determined patient - I want function back, but don't push hard enough to do damage. I just don't relish the helpless feeling of having my dominant hand out of commission...
Sue
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2 ReactionsGood morning. When did getting older matter? Who doesn’t escape? The alternative is not being around and I’m not ok with that. If anything comes out of this pandemic, I hope people realize and consider prioritizing what is important in their lives. Not cramming every minute with an activity and still not feeling fulfilled. Geez, talk about a “dog chasing his tail!” Been there, done it. Life in the slow lane, I found, isn’t so bad. Ps. Hello all colon re-sectioners and looky loos (spl?) Virgo 1952
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2 ReactionsHey Sue. You are a”determined patient”. My husband was diagnosed with RA 2-3 months ago. Same pain and limitations, but no surgery as of today. He ‘s a trooper. Second autoimmune disease. Been a bit of a roller coaster ride. Now, we see people with RA all over the place. Isn’t that how it is???? It sounds like you know what to do and have a “no-nonsense attitude”. Wishing you the best turnout and short healing time Righty or lefty? This is where creative thinking can be an asset! Virgo
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1 Reaction@virgo1952 I agree also that people will be more kinder and gentler with others . Not so demanding and wanting to go to war with others. Good comment
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