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A New Kind of Grief in These Times
Post-COVID Recovery & COVID-19 | Last Active: Apr 15, 2020 | Replies (58)Comment receiving replies
I've followed this thread for a few days now, debating whether to reply. For me, it's somewhat of a hot button. My friend, who is a psychology professor (certified in thanatology, the scientific study of death) and fellow bereaved parent, has been discussing the difference between grief and mourning. She's wondered if the feelings people have right now in relation to the pandemic are actual, profound grief or more accurately defined as fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty?
After experiencing compound traumatic grief of multiple losses in a 6 year period (my infant twins to extreme prematurity, my father & my husband both to cancer and my last living child to a rare and undiagnosed disease, plus the deaths of my 2 Great Danes,) I find it a little difficult to equate true profound grief with people complaining they can't get their favorite food or can't get their hair done or are forced to spend 24 hours a day with your spouse/partner & children.
I'm not dismissing someone else's feelings. I just wonder if the social isolation, distancing and stress of the pandemic might be causing some loss of perspective? As @gingerw said, "Our lives have been turned upside (down) recently." Yes, that is true. But for the most part, the majority of Americans will at some point be able to resume life with their families still around them. Family is a precious gift that I can never replace.
Thank you for reading my 2 cents on the subject. Everyone stay safe and remember to count the blessing you still have.
Replies to "I've followed this thread for a few days now, debating whether to reply. For me, it's..."
@team4travis Each person has their own journey, one that cannot be duplicated by anyone else. Things/events/situations that trigger responses are also different for each of us, and how we respond is different. You are a strong person made even stronger by your experiences. I am sorry you had to go through all those. In these times of forced isolation, and a new way of daily living, people are discovering perhaps, that what was taken for granted, shouldn't be, and that there are many things we embraced before that simply are not necessary while refocusing on those that make us feel better/live better/simpler. Just my humble opinion!
Ginger
Team4travis, thank you for your thought provoking post. Nothing can compare to the deep, ongoing grief of losing loved ones to death. I think your friend is correct in defining what so many are experiencing now as "fear, worry, anxiety and uncertainty" and while certainly real and troublesome, not in the same realm of the loss of life grief we experience when death separates us from our beloveds.
Indeed as you wrote: "This is a time for all of us to remember to be counting daily the blessings we still have". Thank you.
Connect
@team4travis- Hello. Oh, my goodness where to start with all that you've been through. I don't think that anyone is comparing the loss of loved ones to the loss of peanut butter. I started a discussion in the Lung Health group so that people could discuss their feelings and be aware of facts, not myths. Also, Connect is a place to vent, complain, gripe and yell. It might be the only place that some people have to do this. We are here to support everyone. We are patients helping patients. I am a mentor for the Lung Cancer and Lung health Groups because I have stage 4 lung cancer. And have had lung cancer for 22+ years. Shortly before my cancer, I lost my mom and then 6 months later my twin's daughter was murdered. Then a few years after that my twin died.
So I certainly understand your anger and I can't imagine the grief that you feel over the loss of so many immediate family members. I am truly sorry for your losses. I really believe that Ginger is right. Our lives have been upended and it's troubling to see all of the confusion and because of the lack of authority by people who can make good decisions and don't. Fear is prevalent because we have no direction accept to stay home, wear masks and stay 6' apart. We are afraid when this will end, what the future holds and what it will look at. People have lost jobs, money, and security. It's no wonder that people feel so much angst, and sometimes over the most minute things too! And sometimes people use words that truly don't define what they mean. You and your friend are right, it's not deep down terrible grief like that of family members dying but as you said, "fear, worry, anxiety, uncertainty."
Again, my heartfelt condolences and I hope that you will find peace in the future.