Hi Rachel, You express my sentiments, exactly. You express them so well that I suffer with you and for you. I know you work so hard at finding answers, and really, there are none. There is kind of "patches," to try and make us feel better, but nothing really works very well for nerves. In this day and age, I find it almost incredulous that there is so little. I cannot help but share with you the two that work for me. They are not particularly happy solutions, but they beat pain by a long run. First, I have found Kratom in pill form, so you do not have to taste the vile stuff. The pills don't work as long for me as the powder, but they do work. Please do not be afraid of Kratom. Like anything else, if used responsibly, there is no problem with it. Kratom can be a God send. That is why there is an American Kratom Foundation, trying to make it legal, and studied more. If you want the place where I get pills, let me know. And you don't get the high of marijuana. And speaking of marijuana, which I know you can't take, if you have your medical marijuana card, I would have a serious talk with a dispensary worker about what to take, if you want to try again. I notice, at least for me, that the marijuana vapes are pretty mild and mellow. They are good for distancing the pain, but still feeling like yourself. I find the flowers, stronger, and the Gummies, which take about an hour to kick in, just blow me away. However, each has it's way of making me feel better. If I am in utter agony, I inhale a few puff of vape, and then take a Gummie, which will kick in later. Again, a very odd way to live, but beats pain. Lastly, I will be having a trial of a Dorsal Root stimulator on April 9th, if the trial is not canceled due to the Corona Virus. Of course, I would rather lower the pain, than take Kratom and Marijuana. Rachel. really, try Kratom. Let go of fears. You are such a responsible, intelligent, person. You would only be helping yourself. Losing yourself in illness is not to be described. For me, it is just a daily heartbreak. I was very active, involved, and fit. Now I try, when I can. I mostly do foot exercises to strengthen my muscles, because without this, I can barely walk. Anyway, I hear you. Each of us are different, but I do HEAR you. At some level, I do know your journey, and I am sorry. Please reach out to me, and continue to be brave. Love, Lori Renee