How You Experience Autism

@hopeful33250 Teresa, the downplaying of knowledge can come up at any time. You're right, it can be frustrating, and a few times someone told me "you're showing off", although I am not. I cannot pin down one experience more than others. Like @mamacita and @auntieoakley, it seems I am constantly researching/learning. Sometimes people have challenged me how I know something, but that often is hard to answer, the where or why I learned it.
Ginger

@lisalucier I am always amazed at the timeliness of many of the messages here on the Mayo Connect site. Like @sirgalahad I am currently working through issues with some people in my life and their non-understanding/non-acceptance of me as a person with autism who has high functioning abilities and lots of knowledge. I have always extended a basic respect to everybody; someone can increase that respect by their actions towards me. But I am finding that to be understood by many neurotypical people, I have to play down my knowledge base. Or not be true to myself in my responses and reactions, which are very sensitive to others' everyday conversations. The sensitive way that I respond to statements or actions are downplayed by many, which can have an isolating and/or frustrating effect, and I shut down further. I hold these slights to me very close and for a very long time. Like @mamacita and others have described, we see/feel/process differently, for example what someone says goes to our heart, and we respond accordingly, then we hear "just kidding/don't take it so literally/lighten up". But that is not how we are wired. I can only speak for myself in this and perhaps it is a habit of neurodiverse, but I allow others to live their authentic self, accepting them for who they truly are, and I would like to be given that same opportunity. That seems why a fellow neurodiverse person is someone we can often pick out of a crowd, we "see" that fragility we live with everyday.
I don't know if this rambling resonates, or makes sense. It is what flowed out of my mind this morning.
Ginger

@lisalucier, I think my closest friends have "gotten the memo" that I am very sensitive to criticism. Even when it is nothing really serious, I will absolutely get heartbroken if I feel I have failed to do my responsibilities. The area of social engagement and appropriate behavior around Neurotypicals is one where I still have much to learn.

I read constantly, attend Bible studies online and in real time, and study many subjects without setting foot in a class. My passion is learning and I will dig for it every single day. Pretty much nothing is boring to me. And that last sentence is what gets me in trouble.

Because I am fascinated by everything I will, in conversation, frequently think that my audience is fascinated as well.

But you live and learn, right?
And most of the time folks understand and give me grace.

Can I spot another Aspie? Quite frequently, yes. When I see them with their pattern recognition antenna up, my little Aspie heart rejoices. My tribe!!!

They sometimes have that restless leg jumping up and down while waiting for their order to arrive in a cafe. Sometimes they have a certain look in their eyes that lets me know they have mastered Neurotypical eye contact. But are not too comfortable using it.

I tell our kiddos at church to be themselves. I hope it resonates.

Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

That researching and learning is a great characteristic, @gingerw. I do that a lot myself. I'm wondering if all the preparation from research helps tame the feelings of anxiety about not quite fitting in. I'm thinking in terms of myself more than anyone else right now. It calms my fears to feel "prepared." Does that make sense to you?

@hopeful33250 Teresa, it used to be a fallback of mine to say I "must have been a Boy Scout in a former life, because I always tried to be prepared". You're right, I do try to learn as much as I can about a situation prior to heading into it to understand what I might be facing. I also try to learn as much as I can about any new place. In three weeks I will be going to a Zentangle workshop 400 miles away. I have looked at maps to gauge where I will be driving/staying and where the workshop will be so that I will not feel so overwhelmed. I thought the workshop will what's going to be at the same hotel but it is a mile and a half away. So during the lunch break I will take a break in my car 2D stress and also to gain my bearings back. That will be important for me to do since it is 2 days of mixing with over 40 strangers. I have explained to the instructor, and I will be seated in the front row on a corner with an aisle next to me. That is my safe space for me in such a situation. Likewise I will not participate in the group dinner, as I need quiet time to myself.
Ginger

Wanted to pass along a note from @mamacita:

@hopeful33250, @gingerw, @sirgalahad, and all our good friends here on Connect,

My oldest daughter is in ICU following an episode of heart failure. The Social Worker just called and was asking me questions to try and help her.

She will be released sometime today to a regular room. They have no evidence that she has had a heart attack.

So, part of the time I will be on the road, and unable to message you guys. Most of today I will be with her, at least as long as my hubby can hold out. My old back is worn out but maybe after a hot shower I can hobble over there. Getting old is a trap!

Love you all,
Mamacita Jane