I am so sorry for your loss, @deb2239. Around this time lots of normal, day-to-day activities change, and you may find yourself alone with your thoughts – at such a time, the pain of losing your husband can seem totally at odds with the celebratory environment around you. Have you found anything (or anyone) that helps take away the pain, even if for a brief time?

Condolences. It not easy, just take it one day at a time. Grieve at your own pace, ask for help from friends/family or seek professional help. Starting to learn; cry if you must, or sit and remember the good times or take a day and have a break from everything.