Holiday and Grieving

Posted by sunshine @lizny, Dec 30, 2019

Hi, lost my mom seven months ago. Not in a holiday mood and I feel uncomfortable when people wish me happy holidays, not to be rude I wish them back to them but trying to not cry in front of people or strangers. Now it New Year and the feelings are worst. Any word of wisdom?

I have no words of wisdom for you except to feel your feelings. My mom passed four months ago and I've had so much to do I've managed to muscle through the process. Today has been an emotional day for me. I don't like it but I do know it's going to come out regardless. I wish you love & light.

Liked by sunshine

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Hello @lizny,

I can only imagine your pain with the loss of your mother – I am so sorry.
We are always told that holidays are a chance to spend time with loved ones, but how on earth can anyone be expected to cope with celebrations and holidays when a loved one has died? And we don’t like to be vulnerable or cry in front of other people! But remember, that there is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays when you are grieving, and you have to take care of yourself first.

I’m so glad that you reached out with your post…it helps to connect with others who know what you’re going through.
I sincerely encourage you to take a look at this discussion, "Holidays are not happy, family times for everyone” https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/holidays-are-not-happy-family-times-for-everyone/ started by @retiredteacher. There, you’ll also meet @hopeful33250 @gingerw @helenfrances @harriethodgson1 and others.

I’m also tagging @georgette12 @joanm65 who’ve shared their experiences around the holidays, and you can read their messages in this discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/depressing-movies/

@lizny, I’d like to share this insight that I recently came across: Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, acknowledge the sadness and pain as your way of creating meaningful remembrance and memories of your mum. Have you thought of connecting with a counselor or a bereavement support group?

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Grief is the price we pay for loving and being loved. Grief is something you do on your terms. No need to act happy or festive if you are not, and there is no reason to apologize or feel embarrassed. It is your grief. There is no time limit. In the near term it is excruciating. It never gets better, but it somehow becomes different. Memories which bring tears now, will be the stuff of warm remembrance, smiles, and even laughter. It takes time. Every blessing, BCW

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My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago, right before thanksgiving. These holidays have been excruciating and feel this season will be forever marred for our family.

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@deb2239

My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago, right before thanksgiving. These holidays have been excruciating and feel this season will be forever marred for our family.

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I am so sorry for your loss, @deb2239. Around this time lots of normal, day-to-day activities change, and you may find yourself alone with your thoughts – at such a time, the pain of losing your husband can seem totally at odds with the celebratory environment around you. Have you found anything (or anyone) that helps take away the pain, even if for a brief time?

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@kanaazpereira

I am so sorry for your loss, @deb2239. Around this time lots of normal, day-to-day activities change, and you may find yourself alone with your thoughts – at such a time, the pain of losing your husband can seem totally at odds with the celebratory environment around you. Have you found anything (or anyone) that helps take away the pain, even if for a brief time?

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My kids, grandkids and my yellow lab

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@deb2239

My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago, right before thanksgiving. These holidays have been excruciating and feel this season will be forever marred for our family.

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Condolences. It not easy, just take it one day at a time. Grieve at your own pace, ask for help from friends/family or seek professional help. Starting to learn; cry if you must, or sit and remember the good times or take a day and have a break from everything.

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