Hi Georgette, I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Since you are interested in the goal of self-forgiveness I can share a bit about what helped me. The guilt and shame had overwhelmed me to the point that my life had become totally unmanageable. It took me 37 years to achieve this goal but I worked hard at it. 3 12-step groups helped me too. Sharing with others and being honest has been crucial. Start small but be honest with everyone, especially yourself. If you feel bad, say you feel bad. Nobody will stop loving you because you feel bad. There is a lot more but maybe a goal for another forum. Above all, do not give up. Work at it as it is worth it. It will change your life.