@twinkie . If you are uncomfortable with your providers, call the suicide crisis line. I'm assuming you have access to a phone . I don't have the number handy. It's online and I think our forum members will post it as well. Please advocate for yourself. Ask people you trust for what you need. Do not give up. I know we're out here in virtual space but so many of us are telling you we're not giving up and we are here for support.