@twinkie . I hear you. I've been there. In that same awful spot you are in now. I didn't call or talk to anyone who I felt could possibly reject me. Please contact only people who give you unconditional support. My friend is in the hospital after an overdose. Thankfully she is now receiving appropriate meds and therapy and care after her attempt. She is beginning to feel better, not by much, but some. She is safe.
There is a medication I recently heard about for those of us with suicidal thoughts. It's new and works immediately. But you do need to tell your doctors that you feel actively suicidal. There is no treatment if they don't know the truth about your feelings.