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januaryjane (@januaryjane)

Holidays make it worse

Mental Health | Last Active: Dec 4, 2019 | Replies (10)

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Thanks all. Im doing better. The other day I got to my dr early so I just sat in the car, I pretty much had a meltdown and couldnt stop crying. I called my mom later and said, I just cant bicker, i have nothing right now. Anyway, yes, my family has been very dysfunctional my entire life. I started therapy and meds at 12 when I discovered what my ocd was. I see a good therapist once a week or so. My mom denied ever coming with me to talk until the last few years. She went to an old therapist I didnt really prefer, but I was desperate, didnt go well. Then last year she came to my current therapist and it was mixed reviews. All i wanted was once a month with her. Shes not the kind of person you just point blank ask or talk about feelings. Anyway, not gonna happen.
I think for me, I get triggered a lot and I try to explain it but sometimes i cant get through to my parents.
Ive grown and let a lot go, but with Cptsd, and everything else…I slip back. Im not healthy enough to live on my own right now.
I miss working, and want to go back to school. There are no groups here, which I miss. There are substance abuse groups, I actually tried a aa church group but there wasnt a connection.
Seems like I just keep coming up short handed on my efforts. But im still here.
I really appreciate all of your comments, they help me through.

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Replies to "Thanks all. Im doing better. The other day I got to my dr early so I..."

@januaryjane thank you for getting back to us. You made an attempt at getting a better relationship with your mother and that was a great first step. It was not easy for me to change the ways of relating to others. It took a long time, but you are already on the journey to a better relationship with your mother. Please keep us informed on your progress.

@januaryjane Good to hear that you honestly spoke to your mother the other day. I hope doing that made you feel stronger! Speaking with family members or friends about what triggers you is usually a 50-50 proposition, as we cannot control how they will think and respond/react to what we say. But we try anyways, and know in our heart we did as much as we can from our standpoint. Keeping on your work with your therapist, growing in your resolve and journeying towards better mental health takes a lot of energy. Seeing that you cannot live on your own right now, is there a less-stressful environment where you can live? We're here for you.