Thanks all. Im doing better. The other day I got to my dr early so I just sat in the car, I pretty much had a meltdown and couldnt stop crying. I called my mom later and said, I just cant bicker, i have nothing right now. Anyway, yes, my family has been very dysfunctional my entire life. I started therapy and meds at 12 when I discovered what my ocd was. I see a good therapist once a week or so. My mom denied ever coming with me to talk until the last few years. She went to an old therapist I didnt really prefer, but I was desperate, didnt go well. Then last year she came to my current therapist and it was mixed reviews. All i wanted was once a month with her. Shes not the kind of person you just point blank ask or talk about feelings. Anyway, not gonna happen.
I think for me, I get triggered a lot and I try to explain it but sometimes i cant get through to my parents.
Ive grown and let a lot go, but with Cptsd, and everything else...I slip back. Im not healthy enough to live on my own right now.
I miss working, and want to go back to school. There are no groups here, which I miss. There are substance abuse groups, I actually tried a aa church group but there wasnt a connection.
Seems like I just keep coming up short handed on my efforts. But im still here.
I really appreciate all of your comments, they help me through.