@lizny, The quiet feels heavy and you are experiencing some doubt about your caregiving. Your mom passed five months ago. Was hospice involved at that time? My experience with those folks was helpful. They supported me for two years.

Grieving has stages and it takes some time before you can stop judging yourself about your efforts as a caregiver. Is there a support group that you can join? Do you play cards or Mahjong? Maybe it is time to emerge from your tenure as a caregiver. You need to fill the time you have now with activities that comfort you and/or bring joy to your life.

It is very important that you sleep soundly as you make steps towards acceptance. Ask for help if you are sleep deprived. The pain of losing your Mom can evolve into the joy of having had her for many years.

May you be safe and protected from inner and outer harm. Stay in touch. I will be looking for your next post. Chris