From the moment I heard the word cancer I went into anxiety. I could only see the people I knew that had cancer and had passed away after much long suffering and pain. I was so afraid of chemo and all of it's side effects. I did not want my hair to fall out, I did not want to be sick and have no quality of life and then die anyway. The thoughts of chemo was and still is so horrifying to me. I have become obsessed with that part of cancer it is embedded in my mind as the worst thing that can happen to a body. After I had my surgery the dr immediately wanted me to sign up for chemo but I just could not do that. I wanted a second opinion before I would even think about it. I got my second opinion and he convinced me my cancer was only stage one and 6 treatments would be all I would take. I said ok and yesterday was my first treatment. There was a little problem with the first bag that made my mouth,tongue and throat swell up. The chemo was stopped, I was given a dose of steriods and it stopped the swelling and after that it all went ok. I am waiting on the side effects to kick in so I will know just what to expect. I am told it takes 2 to 3 days for that to happen so I am stressing out over that. Every day, hour by hour is making my anxiety kick in and because of that I am not able to eat and have not been drinking the liquids I need. It's getting close to my bedtime and I am anxious about lying down because I know that is all I will be thinking about. It's as tho my husband doesn't really care about what is happening with me and it makes me feel so lonely. I found out his way of coping with my cancer is acting like it isn't happening. He does take care of me and makes sure I have what I need.However I still feel like I am alone in this and don't know where to find a good support group to attend.