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Metastasized colon cancer: At a loss..what is next?
My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer over 5 years ago. It will be 6 years on valentine's day. About a year later it metastasized to both lungs. There are a lot of small modules in both lungs. He had a lung biopsy done and confirmed it is colon cancer. He has taken all of the chemos and immunotherapy for colon cancer.
He has worked pretty much everyday except for surgeries or chemo days. It has taken me a long time but, I get it now. He works to keep busy and keep his mind off it.
He takes care of all his own needs. So I don't really feel I deserve the title of caregiver. But yet, here I am feeling lonely, depressed, and sad most of the time. The last 2 weeks I went through a really dark time. I might mention that during these 6 years I lost my mom, dad and in February my youngest brother died suddenly of a massive heart attack.
No matter what I say or do it is wrong. He likes a food one week, so I buy it again and suddenly he doesn't really like it. Nothing I cook is right. Nothing I say is right. Nothing I do is right in his eyes. I act silly with the grandkids and he shakes his head in disapproval.
I realize he is sick, and not feeling well. I try to remember that he is just taking it out on me cause I'm the closest one to him.
All of my family lives in different states. I work full time, take a yoga class once a week and ride my stationary bike at least 45 minutes 4 days a week. Last summer I broke the tibula and fibula off in my right ankle. Had emergency surgery and still not 100%. I'm 62 so maybe it's as good as it's going to get.
Wow seems sort of selfish when I re read this. Mostly about me.
I notice in the past several weeks he seems to be breathing harder. He finally admitted he gets out of breath easy and has heart palpitations.
I want to know what to watch for next. I know everyone is different and there is no set answer. But is this something he can overcome? When I ask the dr he said we always hope to cure.
Wow sorry so long.
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I'm glad i went too.
Thank you!
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3 Reactions@lah How are you doing? I think you were getting scan results last week.
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1 ReactionSeveral of the lesions in his lungs have grown.now he is taking a new immunotherapy. Vectibex or something like that. His face is starting to burn and hurt. Hes lost a lot of interest in food. Can't find anything that tastes good.
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1 Reaction@lah Try doing Ensure to get needed nutrients into him. Keeping up your body is important. Another thing is to try things like Slimfast type powders, or protein powders, making up milkshake type drinks with ice cream, blended fruit [bananas, strawberries, etc] or flavorings to make it palatable. Also, check with his doctor and local support groups, for any tips they can offer. I hope this helps.
Ginger
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2 ReactionsThank you!
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3 Reactions@lah. How has it been going? Does he drink the Ensure? You know, you can freeze it and then it’s just like ice cream! Are you feeling any better? Remember, you are a caregiver even if he does things for himself! Do something nice for yourself today!
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4 ReactionsWhat a GREAT idea (the frozen Ensure). Thank you!
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4 ReactionsThank you! Surprisingly ...he's eating more than i see as he gained 7 lbs at the dr visit!! We went away for a couple nights and did nothing. It was peaceful, quiet and wondeful.
When i saw my therapist last week she said i have "anticipatory grief"
Anyone hear of that? I read about it. It does sound like me. She said we would talk more about it at my next visit.
Thank you. Hope everyone is doing well!
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3 Reactions@lah I was very happy to read that your husband has gained weight! And the fact you got a couple of days away to just "be" must have been refreshing for you both. Yes, I have heard of anticipatory grief. I have a tendency to script out in my mind, as big surprises are not my cup of tea, and can really send me off the rails. It's not that I "awfulize" things, rather try to think of all the different possibilities in any situation, in order to be prepared.
Please come back and share as you are comfortable, how both you and your husband are doing, please.
Ginger
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3 ReactionsI appreciated your comment about scripting out. And also I get that you don’t consider it awfulizing the situation. In my life with anxiety I know I used to catastrophize. On occasion I still do but it is an entirely different feeling than what you call scripting out. When I script in my mind, I prepare calmly, I gain strength knowing I can deal with whatever comes. On the other hand catastrophzing is a state of panic, fear and weakness. We are all learning about anticipatory grief. Something in that order would happen when my military husband would be nearing periods of deployment. The stress would eat on both of us to the point we would both just want it to happen and get it over with. Anticipation was worse than the reality of separation. The anticipation we live with in probable terminal illness hollows us out. I worry about losing myself.
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