@mandrake70

I relate to what you said about memory, or the lack of it. I have some struggles with it, myself. Sometimes I say something to my wife and she tells me I'd said that more than once already. It's annoying to be told that, when the way she said it makes me feel like I'm being put down. On the other hand, I appreciate her good memory when I can't pull up a word or something like an appointment. Sometimes, though, she uses my memory lapses to make a dig about the medications I take. That never goes over well with me, mostly because I've had trouble with memory long before I took any medication.

I've been working on standing up for myself. I don't just let her make a jab and let it roll over my head.

Several years ago a counselor we talked with suggested a couples journal, which was a good idea for me because I can write out my thoughts better than speaking them. I don't think as fast on my feet as my wife does. Writing gives me time to get my thoughts in order before saying them. We used it to good advantage for a while, but the last time I wrote in it, she wrote a long note that brought up things I thought we had addressed and resolved. That kind of shut me down and I haven't written anything for quite a while.

It might not be pc, but there are times when women are different from men. Bridging the gap can be either challenging or exciting.

We've been married for 47 years, and the last 15 have been difficult because of health issues and having to retire ten years early. But over the past couple of years I've been trying to choose my words carefully, as well as avoiding saying as little as possible about things like the neuropathy pain or depression. I try to be more aware of her pain issues now and take the focus off mine.

It sounds like your wife is trying to be open to turning things around. Have you expressed your appreciation for that to her? I suspect she needs some extra love and attention now. With all that's going on it must be difficult for her - change usually presents emotional challenges. Some would say that that's true more for women than for men, but that isn't necessarily universally true.

There's a phrase that I often think of "love covers a multitude of sins.

Jim