@jimhd My wife texted me at 2:00 am saying she was hurting and to call her when I woke up. When I did call her, she explained that she didn't sleep last night and missed me. We talked for half an hour and I explained how what she has been doing has hurt me. I also explained that I was upset about her dismissing my daughter's depression by saying she just needed to vent. She started to argue with me and for the first time in a while I shut her down. I told her I didn't want to argue or fight and that this is what I had been talking about her doing. She said that she needed me to argue with her so that she would understand my point. I tried to explain that talking about something was one thing, but fighting about anything where I disagreed with her was pointless. She never felt she was wrong. She even started arguing about what had happened on Sunday. I stopped her and said you already apologized for that and now you are arguing that you did nothing wrong?

She asked me what I wanted to do about the marriage and I said that she had pretty much told me she wanted a divorce. I told her that when she had yelled at me for suggesting the marriage counseling I was pretty upset. I brought up the fact that she wanted to bring a friend along on a date night I had setup as a buffer between us. What is marriage counseling if not a buffer to help us communicate? She finally got the point about the counseling. It won't make a difference but she said she understood what I meant now. She wanted me to take a half day off to talk with her today. I said no, we could talk tomorrow. She gave me a hug as I was leaving. I didn't return it since the last time I tried to give her a hug she pulled away. This bouncing back and forth with her is driving me nuts.

When I saw the therapist yesterday, I went through my entire history with my wife from the day we met until this week. She basically said I had been abused. And, yet, when my wife needs something I am there to help. I know that I need to get divorced since my wife will never change and she will be the end of me if I go back. I've always wanted to fix things, even as a child, and to give up on my 16 year marriage is not easy for me. I know it is hurting my daughters too, my youngest worst of all right now. I pick up my daughter in the morning for school and from soccer in the evening and then take her to karate most nights. I have been making sure she is eating since I realized my wife isn't cooking dinners or helping with breakfast or lunch. I made breakfast and lunch for my daughter yesterday. My daughter made soup for herself last night and got her own breakfast and lunch today. I know she is old enough to take care of herself (she's 15) but to me that is something that a parent should be doing. It will be one of the things that my wife and I talk about tomorrow.

I think I am actually doing better today. I'm angry and not as depressed or anxious. I think being angry is helping me to deal with what I need to do.

Jump to this post