@merpreb
She has no reason to believe he’s dead. Although her spouse needs to be served in a divorce proceeding, if he can’t be located there are alternative methods to serve him, newspaper, investigators, Social Security, Driving Records or however the court deems necessary. I doubt this is the first abandonment case and she needs to see an attorney in my opinion to find out her rights and also to protect herself from responsibility due to any possible criminal activity on his part, IRS issues being one.
I’m my opinion the wife should be told if only to protect her and her son. I think by not being told the problem is only being compounded. I feel it is unreasonable for you to think all is fine with your daughter-in-law and grandson regardless of what they say to you or how they act. Now that your suffering has been eased, why are they not entitled to the same?
Good luck to all,
Jake