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My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Sep 28, 2019 | Replies (147)Comment receiving replies
Hello
Ive posted my Loss and Grief horror, but it seems either Im doing something wrong or only a few people have commented. I see others’ posts and they have many healing, lovely comments. Help!!!!
Its been 3 months today and its not any better. I grieve and am empty every day; so is my husband.
Here’s what happened to us......
Every year I go, just me, for a fun week with our daughter, 45.
I had just returned from our girls week ( 10 days actually) at 8pm on June 2 and talked to my husband about what fun our daughter and I had that week. At 6:15am that very next morning our son in law called us. SHOCK AND FRAR!!!!! We immediately, in shock packed and drove to Ohio ( we live in SC). Our daughter didnt make it to the hospital. I still cant believe shes gone. We are lost, empty and feel its all surreal.
Our daughter was generally fine, however she was taking Tamoxifin which has several bad side effects, worse of which is blood clots, which is what happened. ( went to her heart- Coronary Embolism).
She was taking it for a year and her doctor only saw her twice. She also had other side effects, etc. I will write more later. We need help dealing. She was our only sweet child, a teacher and LOVED by everyone. She was amazing and was involved in many charities, projects, always giving, loving, helped everyone with anything, kind, people loved her.
We cant deal with this well; cant believe shes gone. We have no family here in SC (Hilton Head area). Not many friends ( they all work, we are retired) so its tough. Her school had a beautiful tribute to her by having a concert, a parade and candle-prayer Virgil. Hundreds of cards were received by us when we came home. I miss my sweet daughter so bad. We cry every day, just sick! Please help. My friend, Terri Martin who also belongs to Mayo Clinic Connect suggested I seek help with Mayo Clinic. Terri is wonderful!
Thank you.
Our daughter just “celebrated”
(July 28) her 15th Wedding Anniversary in Heaven. Yesterday, Aug 1 was her 46th birthday. Help!
Life will never be the same. Never!!!
We still cant believe she is gone!
Its so hard. I wish I could have gone with her. So difficult!
Replies to "Hello Ive posted my Loss and Grief horror, but it seems either Im doing something wrong..."
@ihtak46 Kathi, reading your post brings tears to my eyes. Whenever I hear of anyone losing a child, whether a young child or an adult, I emphasize wholly. I have a son and daughter and the thought of one of them going before me is unbearable.
Merry says some good things in her response. I hope your grief will become more tolerable as time goes on but I am sure that will take a while.
I am a liver transplant recipient and know quite a bit about the young woman who was generous and had the forethought to sign up as an organ donor. I pray for her widower and father every night that they can find peace and acceptance. She was 34 at the time of her death. I can relate to it too much because she was the same age as my daughter and I don’t know how I could deal with her passing.
Hugs, JK
@ihtak46 what a difficult, horrible time for you. I am so sorry. One positive thing you can take away is how much she was loved by so many people. Remember the concert, parade, vigil and cards—how beautiful. Have you given any thought to a way to remember her? Something at the school? A small scholarship at her school? Some thing that help her memory to live on. Maybe others on this site have some ideas.
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@ihtak46- I am so so sorry that I missed your posts. I have not seen them. I'm mainly on the Lung Cancer group.
I send my sincere condolences to you and your husband. I can hear your pain and it hurts horribly, I know. My twin sister's daughter lived with us and after she moved out to her own apartment someone torched it and she died. Her body was scorched so badly that even her father couldn't identify it. My husband had to identify her.
Although I have a son she was my daughter too and we spent a lot of time together. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't mourn her. She's been gone since 1995.
Mourning takes a long long time. And the depth of your grief is a testament to how much love you shared with her. This love will never go away but you will grow more use to missing her. By this I mean the feeling of missing will be more familiar, less poignant with it's sharpness, hence less fearful and you will tolerate it better.
You have to give yourself time to come to terms with this and only time will give you this, only time. I can't tell you what the definition of coming to terms with will mean to you but for me it was accepting the loss of her presence, accepting that she isn't the young girl in the crowd, accepting that I won't hear her voice or hear her laugh.
You are also still in shock so you have to allow your grief to get past this, and again it's just time. Time will soften the shock into acceptance- not the loss of love. All of your feelings right now are raw but have a purpose and if you can, feel everyone of them. Cry when you have to rant, yell, scream and get angry! Get very, very angry. You have that right.
Are either of you or your husband getting any grief counseling?