Connect
← Return to Caregiving: I’m frustrated and exhausted.
Discussion
Caregiving: I’m frustrated and exhausted.
Caregivers | Last Active: Mar 27, 2022 | Replies (223)Comment receiving replies
My brother died 2003, Since we both had PTSD in very different ways. When he was in ICU, still able to correspond he was my big brother but put me down so much. I needed to be close to him, asked him if I could lay down with him like old times, he said no! Asked him If I could hold his hand, no! I felt like a little girl again but this time my good ole brother rejected me again. After he died my sister-in-law would throw that in my face. I made the worst mistake by telling her what my brother said to me. My parents Grandchildren never went to their funerals. At my brothers funeral his 3 children spoke about their father BUT his sister, mother, niece were never mentioned. I should have stood up, tactfully mentioned that he had the other members of family. dam, I'm crying now. My father started drinking after he married his second wife 30 years younger 5 years older than me. She cheated on my father. She married for what he had $$. foolish! I with you both a good evening!
Replies to "My brother died 2003, Since we both had PTSD in very different ways. When he was..."
Connect
Hi @kimspr3 Your post brought a flood of memories back to me. First how disease can take control of a person and change them in ways we wish they never did. When my wife was in a coma her sister told our daughter and I we should 'just let her die' and not do emergency surgery. We did anyway and some years later my wife overheard me telling that to our son on the phone and things with her sister never healed.
The most memories, though, came back regarding my wife's funeral. She was largely abandoned by family and friends during her years of illness. My side of the family thought she was 'faking it' and I was exaggerating her condition 'for sympathy'. They never changed that view. Friends and other family simply chose to ignore her while she was fighting her war. Late in her illness my wife decided to design her own Celebration of Life. She asked me to write it all down and share it with our children so they knew what she wanted. Then she asked me to get a second sheet of paper to write down the people I was to invite to her Celebration. I said 'honey, folks usually don't invite people to a service, anyone who wants to just shows up.' She said 'not mine! I do not want anyone in our home blowing smoke up your a*s about how much they cared about me when I was sick, after I am dead.' She gave me her list. Her notice said 'a service will follow' and we did that service private for those invited only. My wife knew well that would happen, too! The first person I heard from was a sister who blasted me about not being there saying 'well, we wanted to be there to show you how much we cared'.
14 years too late!
Thanks for sharing and letting me get this off my chest -- I feel better already! These things I have come to accept, but accepting never means they didn't hurt.
Strength, courage, and peace!
PS Thanks for the laugh --- and I'll add 'I tawt I taw a puddy tat!'