Connect
← Return to Caregiving: I’m frustrated and exhausted.
Discussion
Caregiving: I’m frustrated and exhausted.
Caregivers | Last Active: Mar 27, 2022 | Replies (223)Comment receiving replies
Hi Scott, my situation is the reverse. My husband is the caregiver. My condition is getting worse, I feel so bad for him. I don't like to ask for much help because he cares for the home, grounds. I need help bending, dressing, standing. Pain. I try not to look at his face to see if he is annoyed. Our families live out-of-state and friends don't call. I don't know how to make his life better? I keep telling him, I'm sorry. Almost every weekend he goes to the minor league baseball games. He needs to relax and get away. I wish he would join and speak with other Care Givers. I also have PTSD so he has 2 things to deal with. My dreams wake me screaming waking him again. Does anyone feel kinda the same? Thank You
Replies to "Hi Scott, my situation is the reverse. My husband is the caregiver. My condition is getting..."
Hi @kimspr3 Wonderful to get your perspective here! It is invaluable! As a caregiver I rarely thought to look at my efforts through the lens of my wife's eyes. And I should have! You speak well of this situation and I envy you for that!
I hope others chime in from their perspective as patient! It is super valuable!
I know I often wondered if what I was doing was enough, good enough, or if it was appreciated. You have given me some validation on my efforts and how my wife may have viewed them
I cannot thank you enough! How are you doing these days?
@kimspr3, I'd like to bring @rckj into this discussion about caregiving and the need to say "sorry" all the time when you are the one being cared for. She shared a bit about feeling like a burden in this post: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/post-intensive-care-syndrome-pics-lets-talk/?pg=32#comment-283587
@klaken, I love your suggestion of switching "I'm sorry" to "thank you". It sounds like a few people have put that advice into practice successfully already.
Connect
I am a care giver for my mom and her twin sister my aunt and they are 92 years of age. I think the best way i can answer your questions as being a caregiver is to have a stronger connection with him. look him in the face and let him know you love him and appreciate what he is doing for you. he is doing all this out of love so don't break the connection and don't feel guilty because you need his help. it sounds like he is happy to be able to be there for you. feeling guilty makes it harder on you. my mom and aunt do the same thing to me and it frustrates me as i just want them to know i love them and am happy to be there for them and no one needs to feel any quilt. My mom sacrificed to raise me and now its my time to sacrifice for her and i do it lovingly as i know your husband is. It is good for him to have a little of HIS "me time" as i just started to do myself. I also have PTSD so my mom and aunt have to understand that i have my days to. stop saying your sorry and replace it with i love you and appreciate you. everyone likes to HEAR they are appreciated. i will pray for you that things get easier for the both of you.