@debiobrien I understand what you are saying. Many times the abused want to be the rescuer, and your career in law enforcement was ideal for that. I have struggled with emotional abuse and had to work hard to overcome the effects. My sister says she cannot believe how strong I am. I say I worked hard to use my experiences as a stepping stone and not millstone, but it was not easy. Let yourself think of things you'd like to try, or places you'd like to go. It can be as simple as a picnic under trees with a soft breeze and birds singing. Or as complicated as a Euorpean trip. Feel the internal calm it brings, and the positive way you feel. Then make some movement towards accomplishing it. Don't put a timeline on it. You might find small steps can be accomplished. And find someone who can spell you so you and your mother can make some happy memories. I promise you will cherish them, and be grateful you made the effort. You never know what you'll accomplish until you try.
I hope your day goes well,
Ginger