Ginger & vicky I hear you and i know you are right but in my 64 years i have NEVER made myself first everyone and everything has always came first. right done to the tiniest thing. I would not even know where to start to make myself first and would feel selfish trying it. I dont even know what my interests or hobbies would be because i have never taken the time to look for any. I have spent my entire life trying to survive thru many many years of horrific abuse of every kind in the world and protecting everyone else i can from it. now all the abusers are dead except 1 and i still try and protect my mom from that person and its hard because its her son and my brother which would be happy to see me gone. He became my father and is mean and abusive just like our dad. I was a cop for 20 years and got severely injured in the line of duty and lost my job in 2013 due to the injuries and have been lost since then. all i know is to take care of people, help them out and make sure they have what they need, not your typical cop i know. i come last. im used to that way. i would not ever know where to start to think about myself first. it just would not feel right. i have been in many support groups for survivors of abuse of all kinds but im pretty far gone they dont really help when i tell all the details of my life and abuse people freak out and wonder how am i still alive and how did i make it thru all that. i didnt really make it thru all that it left scares that will never heal. and thats why i choose to be alone. never married, no boyfriends for many years i do best by myself. i appreciate your comments and again i know your right my brain just does not compute that way but maybe one day it will. thanks again and god bless.