So sorry you are suffering and I hope the best for you.

While we may say we understand your pain, or that we've been there, truly no one can understand your situation or have been exactly where you are. Jesus is the ONLY one who can meet you in your pain and has the Power to change AND heal you. We humans have the tendency to only look at our situation on our horizontal plain while God works from a vertical viewpoint, seeing everything, everywhere, every time! Just to encourage with how God as worked in my life: i was physically dead from smoke inhalation, the doctors tried every chemical known to man to bring me back and when I asked what happened, the doctor said "Basically you died". After severe depression, in a catatonic state, Doctors said they tried everything, nothing worked, and unless they tried shock treatments, I would be a vegetable in a mental institute for the rest of my life! God did not let that happen. Bottom lines: Don't give up--not ever! God loves you and HE works ALL things for good to those who love HIM. I will be praying for you.

@dianrib You said you doubt you will be here after COVID-19. Do you feel that you can keep yourself safe right now?

It sounds like you have endured tremendous losses and your situation is currently most difficult regarding a recent surgery and financial losses.

You said that you lost your spouse. May I ask how long ago they passed and if you have any surviving family that support you?

@dianrib I wanted to check back. How are you doing?