@aliali Do you think it might help to write your feelings down? It might help you process them. You could write as if you were writing to your father to tell him how you feel and that you are thinking about him. I've also lost my dad, and I knew it was coming. I had interviewed my parents on video a few years prior about family history, and I sat down and created a documentary about my dad's life and added in pictures of him growing up, and his photos from family vacations. I recorded myself introducing the segments, and through all of it, I read the beautiful handwritten letters my dad had written to my mom before they were married when he was aboard ship in the Naval Reserve and was able to use some of his photos from those military trips. I discovered the letters and old photos as I was looking for photos with my mom. That was a very healing project for me, and I could share a lot of wonderful things about my dad's life that the relatives didn't know. This project became the main part of his memorial service, and I felt a lot closer to him doing this. Everyone grieves differently, and you will need to follow your heart for what is best for you.