@kariulrich
Hi,
Thank you for sharing, I’m sure it is not easy. I had a similar experience when I went from Maple Grove hospital to North Memorial. I remember them calling a “rapid response”, and nurses arguing if I am ICU material or not. The rest is a blur until I was moved to the Oncology unit (I suppose that’s where they had an open bed). During the time I was in the ICU my mother and son came to visit me. I don’t recall telling them not to visit me, but apparently I did. Having worked in the ICU and all over the hospital I didn’t want my family to see me in that much pain. That’s the only reason, I can think of that I would tell them I didn’t want to visit. My husband came from the UK back to Minnesota to help me before discharge, and at home. He broke down and after all that I had been through, facing my own mortality, I felt the need to comfort him. We have not been married long and it is a struggle on our relationship because I am not the woman he married, and won’t ever be again. I struggle with why I am still here daily. I work in the hospital and have been on leave since my hospitalization. I tried to return to work and it was terrifying to go back into the hospital and have my own patients again. I have nightmares and I can’t seem to cope with what happened to me. I was discharged almost 7 months ago. I see a therapist, my GP, and a psychiatrist. I have to take medications to sleep without nightmares and I try very hard to remove myself from stress. Because I can’t cope. It’s hard to find a good psychiatrist as the first one I saw brushed me off. These have been the things that have given me tools to get out of bed most days. I hope this helps. I also am going to check out the nightmare group that @colleenyoung suggested.