@becsbuddy @allegro I was going to suggest a Hoyer lift too. Not knowing what stage he is now, these are suggestions for when it becomes difficult to care for someone who cannot do for themselves. I had a Hoyer lift when I cared for my dad at end stage heart failure. He couldn't roll himself over in bed. I used the lift to transfer him from his bed and a wheelchair. Have home health show you how to use the lift and sling and do the hygiene chores that will need to be done. I would also suggest a hospital bed so you can adjust that for height and position. That will make transferring easier from the bed with the lift. The lift has to be able to slide under the bed, so it needs enough height under the bed to do that. My dad wanted me to be able to pull him around in his bed, but I could not do that. At the time, I was in need of spine surgery and in a lot of pain myself. It's exhausting to have to do the physical chores and can be too much for a person to do alone by themselves. You will learn as you go, and it's good that you have a lot of family willing to help. As hard as it will be, enjoy the closeness and togetherness of your family. I used to hold myself together pretty much during the day, but I would cry when I was alone at night while staying at their house. I started listening to music to help ease those feelings and it really helped me to go to sleep with my headphones on. That's also when I adopted a silly cat, and I would bring him with me. I cared for both of my parents at the same time and had to hire and manage caregivers that I traded shifts with. During this time my mom had a pelvic, foot, and ankle fracture herself and later surgery on her ankle. My dad also broke his hip when he was still mobile. I wasn't home much for 2 years, and after my dad passed, I had spine surgery at Mayo and then took time for my own recovery. My mom has been doing OK on her own since then and I take her to all her appointments and shop since she doesn't drive anymore. It is very hard to be the caregiver and you get all the frustration of the patient directed at you, and all while you are trying to do the best you can. You will need some respite time. This can easily take a toll on your own health, so you will need to ask for help and take breaks when you need them. It may at some point become too hard to continue to provide home care, but that is a hard decision to make. My dad should have been in a nursing home, but my parents didn't want that, and they also didn't understand the burden. Like a lot of elderly patients, they thought they could manage things on their own. I was the one who caught the urgent problems like pneumonia, bloody urine, and fluid in the lungs and I sent my dad to the emergency room several times. There were times we had to negotiate with him and get him to go for my mom because she was worried. He had had a head injury years before and lost the ability to reason for himself and he would easily become very emotional. I know that I gave them more time together because I advocated for him and got medical help when he needed it. When it came down to the end, I tried to make him as comfortable as possible. He reached a point where he was ready to quit which is hard to accept when a loved one tells you this, and I had to let him go and accept his decision.
OMG, MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU...YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL ON EARTH....I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE PATIENT NOT REALIZING THE PRESSURE THE CARE GIVER IS UNDER....I APPRECIATE ALL THE GREAT SUGGESTIONS...….MY HUSBAND SLEEPS IN A RECLINER AS HE CAN'T BREATHE IN BED.....HE HAS BEEN CHOKING LATELY UNTIL HE RETCHES....SCARES THE BEJESUS OUT OF ME, BUT IT IS CAUSED BY HIS FEEDINGS...ONCE HE BRINGS UP THE PHLEGM HE IS OK AGAIN FOR AWHILE...ONE DAY AT A TIME, SWEET JESUS...…..I THINK THAT'S HOW THE SONG GOES...…….ALLEGRO (JAN)