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cathy514 (@cathy514)

Dementia: Just diagnosed and scared

Brain & Nervous System | Last Active: Jul 28, 2019 | Replies (72)

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@barbbie

When he doesn't recognize me as me, I have often felt a very deep pain in my heart. My therapist says it's grieving the loss. I have a tough time responding not knowing who he thinks he's talking to. If he mentions my name and asks where I am I can respond with she's upstairs or outside gardening. Several times when we have to go somewhere he has asked what car are we using and do I know how to get there.. We only have one car! I tell him we will use the car in the garage. Yes, I know the way.
With PTs and OTs coming in, he is very confused about who is who, yet he is very social with them. He can tell them anything and they don't know he isn't telling things as they actually happened. Only I know and I don't correct him. If it is something they need to know I walk them to their cars and make corrections then.
Thanks for the new sites..

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Replies to "When he doesn't recognize me as me, I have often felt a very deep pain in..."

@barbbie I feel for you. That is hard to accept. I was wondering if when he asks you where you are, if you could tell him that you'll go get her, then step away and come right back and say " You were asking for me? Here I am! " That would let him think that he's OK and hadn't made a mistake. I think for him, it must be traumatic if he realized he's made a mistake, or if someone tries to correct him, and he doesn't understand. To him, it probably doesn't matter how you respond as far as your identity. I remember visiting my father in law in a dementia ward of a nursing home, and the staff was having him sing Jingle Bells. They asked him, and he sang Jingle Bells for us by himself. That is a good memory and it was fun. It's not something he would have normally done, but he was able to freely enjoy it. He was kind of like a little kid at that point enjoying the attention, and I always looked for ways to make him feel good and like he was still in control of his life.

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