Neuropathy and depression and anxiety

Isn't it something? How we are all a story, a book, a novel.

Isn't it something? How we are all a story, a book, a novel.

So many people have asked me to write a book about my life, but I tell them that it would have to be anonymous because I don’t want my kids to know all about me.😁 I feel as though I have lived many lives. My father and I used to entertain the troops during WW II. I started to sing in four languages when I was 18 months old. You can teach a kid anything. I was the opening act and sang the Star Spangled Banner when some of the big bands came to town during WW II. Later in life, I sang professionally in California. But that is a tiny part of who I am. I had so many careers in my life. I was a nurse for a short time and then I went back to school and got a master’s degree in geophysics and worked for the government on top secret projects, I also designed and built custom furniture, had a business in art conservation and worked on Picasso’s drawings, sculptures from the Palace at Versailles, as well as many other painters, designed and made gowns and suits and my husband and I built a four story passive solar hillside house near the ocean in Monterey County, California. We did this on weekends for five years while we worked for the government on weekdays. Busy, busy life. I met a lot of interesting people along the way, particularly in the arts. I learned to play golf with a pro at Pebble Beach and that is where I played my very first game of golf. I played on those courses for 10 years until we moved to Palm Springs. I changed my life around and worked in a special floor at Desert Hospital for patients with AIDS. Those were the days when they all died. I had a lot of friends with AIDS and I lost over 50 of them. I cried a lot and became numb to life around me. It was a sad time. So you can see how my life changed over and over. Now I am stuck in my wheelchair, but I feel that I have experienced a lot of life and I have so many memories to look back upon.

You will get through this. Keep thinking about those grandchildren and when you get depressed, close your eyes and think about their cute faces. You can start over even at this stage of your life. Your horse and dog love you whether you have hair or not. Go out and hug your horse. I had to start over too after a divorce and I lost everything. It looked bleak, but I found love again. I thank God for this every day.

Isn't it something? How we are all a story, a book, a novel.

@jordchud62

Welcome!

I am @grandmar, also known as Ronnie.
I have been diagnosed with neuropathy (I don't know what kind) and I have been suffering from generalized anxiety since I was a VERY YOUNG child.

I was just diagnosed with neuropathy a couple of months ago. Since I had 2 spinal surgeries within 7 months of each other, I really didn't notice that thinks were happening. I fell a several times, but hit the ground only twice. I assumed it was related to the recovery of my surgeries and the pain and pain meds I was taking.

I noticed back in June that when I sat with my feet flat on the ground, my right foot would not sway left to right/right to left. I also noticed that I had difficulty lifting my toes from that position. Long story short, my right big toe does not move at all and my foot drags, especially at the end of the day. I am walking with a cane and I will be getting a brace for my right leg in a few weeks. I am fortunate that I have not developed any pain like many others have.

As for my left foot, I have some neuropathy there, too, but not to extent of the right foot. I've had an EMG and I have significant nerve damage at S1 and L4. This can be impacting the neuropathy. So, for now, I go on. I am going to see a vascular doctor to get some other ideas. In the meanwhile, I've bee to a theraputic masseuse twice, who has been working on me. I got my toes moving a little bit.

Now for the anxiety.......
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety more than 10 years ago. But as I said before, I've had it since I was VERY YOUNG. I used to get up from a sound sleep, with my body quivering non-stop. I wasn't cold! I'd call for my mom who would come to me an 'talk me down.' Then, in my thirties, it got worse. I'd get dizzy, my chest would hurt and my body would quiver. I'd go next door to my colleage and good friend clutching my chest, insisting I was having a heart attack. She'd ask me how long I was having symptoms. When I told her several hours, she would tell me that I would be dead if I was having a heart attack. That was good enough to calm me down.

Another story short, I went on Effexor about 15 years ago. It worked great! My PCP told me it was time to come off about a year later. The weaning was far too quick and I had a horrible reaction. I had such an anxiety attack, I couldn't go to work or even go out of the house. Throughout the years, my Effexor has been upped to meet the needs at the time. As of November 2018, I was up to two-75mg in the morning and evening. In November I started to wean down from that high dosage. I am currently down to two-75 mg in the morning and one-75 mg in the evening. It took me since November to reduce 25%. I have no intention of coming off, just going down to what I consider a reasonable amount. I will remain where I am for a couple of months to make sure my body is OK with the reduction. Then, I will begin the same process with my morning dose. My ultimate goal is 75 mg in the morning in evening. My ultimate, ultimate goal will be 37.5mg in the morning and evening, but I don't see that happening for a long, long time.

Well, that's my story and I am sticking to it! lol

Have a good rest of the day!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

So many people have asked me to write a book about my life, but I tell them that it would have to be anonymous because I don’t want my kids to know all about me.😁 I feel as though I have lived many lives. My father and I used to entertain the troops during WW II. I started to sing in four languages when I was 18 months old. You can teach a kid anything. I was the opening act and sang the Star Spangled Banner when some of the big bands came to town during WW II. Later in life, I sang professionally in California. But that is a tiny part of who I am. I had so many careers in my life. I was a nurse for a short time and then I went back to school and got a master’s degree in geophysics and worked for the government on top secret projects, I also designed and built custom furniture, had a business in art conservation and worked on Picasso’s drawings, sculptures from the Palace at Versailles, as well as many other painters, designed and made gowns and suits and my husband and I built a four story passive solar hillside house near the ocean in Monterey County, California. We did this on weekends for five years while we worked for the government on weekdays. Busy, busy life. I met a lot of interesting people along the way, particularly in the arts. I learned to play golf with a pro at Pebble Beach and that is where I played my very first game of golf. I played on those courses for 10 years until we moved to Palm Springs. I changed my life around and worked in a special floor at Desert Hospital for patients with AIDS. Those were the days when they all died. I had a lot of friends with AIDS and I lost over 50 of them. I cried a lot and became numb to life around me. It was a sad time. So you can see how my life changed over and over. Now I am stuck in my wheelchair, but I feel that I have experienced a lot of life and I have so many memories to look back upon.

Talk therapy works if you get the best psychiatrist to work with you. My last one was great and I learned how to deal with my very dark moods. I was in private therapy and also in group therapy. Both methods helped me, but I had to figure out how to deal with it on a daily basis. Clinical depression runs in my family on my mother’s side. It seems like is it genetic because so many family members have it. It starts in our teenage years. I have it, my son and granddaughter have it as well as several cousins and my niece and nephew. Several family members committed suicide. When I was in my twenties, I was a regular patient in the emergency room with overdoses. Group therapy is beneficial too. I learned how to change my brain and deal with my clinical depression. When I was hospitalized, I was put on Thorazine. I was in therapy with a psychiatrist for 15 years, so I understand about depression and how it affects your body. Yes, the intestines and stomach feel it too. I have had part of my large intestine removed. My last suicide attempt was 50 years ago, so I did get it under control, but I still get dark moods. I know how to get them out of my brain. I am a positive thinker now and look on the bright side of things. I don’t let myself fall into that pit of doom. It has been a struggle sometimes during those last 50 years, and I have had to help my son with his depression, but we are still here. My granddaughter sees her psychiatrist every week. She has been in therapy since she was 14 years old and has had several suicide attempts. We live with this disease but some of us have died. Okay, I wasn’t going to contribute to this thread because I am in charge of my brain and don’t suffer from this anymore, but I wanted you all to know that I understand how you feel.

@darlingtondoll, my, but you have had a fascinating life! Thank you for sharing!

My husband started the very first Aids Support Group here in our little city. This was back when the majoriry of the country thought that you could get Aids by eating or drinking after an infected person.

He would give educational.presentations all over North Alabama as part of his job in Communicable Diseases. He would have a coffee mug with him onstage, and very casually mention that the cup had previously been used by an Aids patient. While that thought was sinking in, he would slowly take a sip of hot coffee.

You can imagine how well that went over. Faces aghast. I was, and am so very proud of him for the work that he did. He was the voice of calmness in the middle of a hurricane. He was compassion where there was hatred. We lost a lot of people back then. One patient became our very dear friend. We had him in our home frequently. When he died we were heartbroken.

Bless you for all you have done for others. Enjoy your rest. And all your wonderful memories. Glad you are here with us.
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane