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Overbearing parents

Posted by karina77 @karina77, Mar 17, 2019

I was diagnosed with Orthostatic Intolerance and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and ever since my 4 day visit to Mayo. My father has been over protective/ overbearing, trying to control all aspects of my treatment. Constantly asking about eating, exercising, making sure I have liquid and salty foods. Making me eat when I feel sick, I force food down despite feeling sick, it’s more forceful.It’s excessive, it’s causing major arguments. It’s causing a ton of stress, anxiety and frustration. I tell him I’m trying but he says that “I don’t see you trying”..I don’t have to prove anything to him. It’s my health and my body and I would appreciate my independence. What do I do? I have been vocal about how I feel! I have tried communicating

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JK | @contentandwell | Mar 17, 2019

@karina77 I can totally sympathize with you, it is so frustrating and annoying to have someone being overly controlling of what you are doing. Try to remember that he is doing it because he loves you and is concerned about you.
You don't say how old you are, but I presume from the "77" that you may be 42, old enough to know for yourself what you should be doing. Have you not been doing the recommended things regarding diet and exercise? Perhaps you have not since you have to force yourself to eat. Is it possible that is causing you to not do the right things, causing him concern?
If you are confident that you are doing what you should be doing, then bring him to the doctor with you so he can hear it from the doctor, that you are doing the right things on your own.
I really do feel for you and hope you can work this out with your father. As I said above, try hard to remember that he is simply concerned about you. You surely do not want this to cause a permanent rift between you and your father.
JK

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1 reply
karina77 | @karina77 | Mar 17, 2019
In reply to @contentandwell "@karina77 I can totally sympathize with you, it is so frustrating and annoying to have someone..." + (show)
@contentandwell

@karina77 I can totally sympathize with you, it is so frustrating and annoying to have someone being overly controlling of what you are doing. Try to remember that he is doing it because he loves you and is concerned about you.
You don't say how old you are, but I presume from the "77" that you may be 42, old enough to know for yourself what you should be doing. Have you not been doing the recommended things regarding diet and exercise? Perhaps you have not since you have to force yourself to eat. Is it possible that is causing you to not do the right things, causing him concern?
If you are confident that you are doing what you should be doing, then bring him to the doctor with you so he can hear it from the doctor, that you are doing the right things on your own.
I really do feel for you and hope you can work this out with your father. As I said above, try hard to remember that he is simply concerned about you. You surely do not want this to cause a permanent rift between you and your father.
JK

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Hi! @contentandwell I am 17 years old. I love my father and understand how much he cares about me and wants me better. I have been doing what is being recommended, I’ve been following the diet and drinking enough liquids. I feel sick and I force myself to eat despite not feeling well. I deal with nausea, so it makes eating a lot difficult. But I want to emphasize that I am trying. I am someone who doesn’t like feeling controlled, having this aspect of my life controlled adds a lot of stress causing me to feel sicker.

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1 reply
JK | @contentandwell | Mar 17, 2019
In reply to @karina77 "Hi! @contentandwell I am 17 years old. I love my father and understand how much he..." + (show)
@karina77

Hi! @contentandwell I am 17 years old. I love my father and understand how much he cares about me and wants me better. I have been doing what is being recommended, I’ve been following the diet and drinking enough liquids. I feel sick and I force myself to eat despite not feeling well. I deal with nausea, so it makes eating a lot difficult. But I want to emphasize that I am trying. I am someone who doesn’t like feeling controlled, having this aspect of my life controlled adds a lot of stress causing me to feel sicker.

Jump to this post

@karina77 I think very few people like to feel like someone is trying to control them. I guess you just need him to see you doing all that you can do to follow the guidelines that your doctor has recommended. Hopefully when he sees that he will feel less concerned. My son and daughter are in their 30s now but as a parent, you never stop worrying about your kids.
I tend to not be a controlling type, vs my husband who is, so that was not a problem for me. I am just a worrying type. :-/ If one of my kids had had a health problem as teens though that may have been different.
Hugs, JK

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 17, 2019

Hi @karina77, have you considered asking for an appointment with a social worker for you together with your parents? They can help bridge communications between family members. I had the opportunity to do that with my daughter and a therapist. My daughter (15) and I both felt that the other wasn't understanding (or respecting) the other's point of view. Somehow it just helped having someone repeat back our words, making each of us feel acknowledged. It was also helpful to have this discussion outside of the house where there are worn patterns of communication and the conversations were usually happening amid many other things going on. For us, it only took one session with a therapist to just feel heard and to adjust how we talked and gave us more space to respect each others point of view a bit better.

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2 replies
JK | @contentandwell | Mar 17, 2019
In reply to @colleenyoung "Hi @karina77, have you considered asking for an appointment with a social worker for you together..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Hi @karina77, have you considered asking for an appointment with a social worker for you together with your parents? They can help bridge communications between family members. I had the opportunity to do that with my daughter and a therapist. My daughter (15) and I both felt that the other wasn't understanding (or respecting) the other's point of view. Somehow it just helped having someone repeat back our words, making each of us feel acknowledged. It was also helpful to have this discussion outside of the house where there are worn patterns of communication and the conversations were usually happening amid many other things going on. For us, it only took one session with a therapist to just feel heard and to adjust how we talked and gave us more space to respect each others point of view a bit better.

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@colleenyoung What a great idea. I wish I had thought of that when my daughter was a teen. Thankfully, now we have a great relationship.
JK

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karina77 | @karina77 | Mar 18, 2019
In reply to @colleenyoung "Hi @karina77, have you considered asking for an appointment with a social worker for you together..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Hi @karina77, have you considered asking for an appointment with a social worker for you together with your parents? They can help bridge communications between family members. I had the opportunity to do that with my daughter and a therapist. My daughter (15) and I both felt that the other wasn't understanding (or respecting) the other's point of view. Somehow it just helped having someone repeat back our words, making each of us feel acknowledged. It was also helpful to have this discussion outside of the house where there are worn patterns of communication and the conversations were usually happening amid many other things going on. For us, it only took one session with a therapist to just feel heard and to adjust how we talked and gave us more space to respect each others point of view a bit better.

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Hi @colleenyoung! We called the Mayo Clinic Children’s Psych. And got transferred to the nurse that was working alongside the doctor I was seeing at Mayo! She helped mend some bridges and helped with painting a better picture of how my treatment should go. She emphasized the importance of my independence! I wanted to thank you so much for your help and support! Means a lot to me!

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1 reply
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 18, 2019
In reply to @karina77 "Hi @colleenyoung! We called the Mayo Clinic Children’s Psych. And got transferred to the nurse that..." + (show)
@karina77

Hi @colleenyoung! We called the Mayo Clinic Children’s Psych. And got transferred to the nurse that was working alongside the doctor I was seeing at Mayo! She helped mend some bridges and helped with painting a better picture of how my treatment should go. She emphasized the importance of my independence! I wanted to thank you so much for your help and support! Means a lot to me!

Jump to this post

I'm so proud of you, Karina! (and your parents too) Please forgive us parents. We tend not see our kids grow up as fast as they actually are. We're so proud of our kids. We want them to be independent and then don't really understand it when it's happening. We're slow learners because it's hard to let go of the little kid that depended on us for everything. For you that might seem like forever ago, but for us it seems like just yesterday.

The nurse is absolutely right. Your independence is really important. Talking to you has helped me too. My daughter will thank you. LOL.

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lioness | @lioness | Mar 18, 2019

@colleenyoung I did the same thing with my son we wherevat each oter ,my excusr was I was going through menopause at dame time so I was little crazy and his adolescents was,nt fun but we survived and are better as adults he is 45 now Its we dont want to see then become independent U think

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