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georgette12 (@georgette12)

Who will care for us as we age?

Caregivers | Last Active: Sep 27, 2019 | Replies (14)

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@virginiatc

I am one of those caregivers who is taking care of a household and my husband who is 17 yrs. older than me while he suffers from dementia at age 95 now. Before this, I had the privilege of seeing my mother thru to 99 yrs. The years have flown by and now I find my own health in a scary position as I am looking at serious surgery with a fusion of L4-L5. I am weighing and discussing what is possible for me as I live so far from my daughter who has stepped up to offer care giving services to both me and my husband until the time I get back on my feet. 6 weeks to two months? That would mean a temporary move to her house which I do not want to do but she wants to keep working at her part time job at an assisted living facility. It is a 3 + hour drive one way to their home from mine. Life seems to be a series of life changing decisions and we try to come to the best solution for those involved. I have pain meds at the moment that help me get thru each day but that is not living. I feel like everything else is on hold until I get the source of the pain taken care of. I will be losing sleep until we have made that decision. Even with surgery, there are no guarantees since my spine is a mess. Meantime, I will be getting a bone density test to see if I can be a candidate for surgery. I then, will need to choose a neurosurgeon in her area, if I decide to go to her home to receive the care she offers. Nursing home insurance would have been nice if one started it at a young age and paid for it over the years but yes, it is not something we feel the need for when we are young, and , for us,waiting until we are elderly only makes it too costly and out of our reach financially. Like cmael, I would like my husband to be able to live out his life in the home we both love. Now I just need to make the right decisions for us. I am thankful for all the advice, and support I get from those here and look forward to sharing when I can. Each day is precious and taking it one day at a time works for me.

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Replies to "I am one of those caregivers who is taking care of a household and my husband..."

Good morning @virginiatc First, I wish you well on your own healthcare journey coming up! I know when the caregiver needs care it can be a challenge! Caregiving is such a house of cards that when the smallest breeze hits it can disrupt the whole thing! It often did for us!

We were lucky in being able to meet my wife's desire for home hospice in her care, but I know there were days it was almost impossible for me and I certainly understand those who cannot make home care work. SO many factors at work! For instance with my daughter-in-law's dad who had dementia, his wife was simply too small to handle a big fellow with his limitations. The physics of it just made it impossible especially since he had the all too common period of combativeness that often accompanies dementia.

Keep in touch and let us know how your reviews go for your surgery! We will all be pulling for you and wishing you the best!

Strength, courage, and peace!

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