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~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~
Mental Health | Last Active: Mar 19, 2022 | Replies (428)Comment receiving replies
Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays - most days - it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby
Replies to "Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top,..."
Hi @amberpep, recent posts always bump the discussion to the top of the discussion list. Within a discussion thread, people can decide to read them oldest to newest (chronological order) or newest to oldest (reverse chronological order). You are posting your messages correctly and everyone participating in this discussion can see them.
Hi @parus, so good to cross paths with you again.
Hi @amberpep,
Moving to a new area and stepping out of your comfort zone, alone, can be incredibly difficult – it’s scary, stressful and can feel very lonely. I’d like to share something that helped me, many years ago, when I moved to a completely different country – from India to the United States – because of my husbands career. I had to leave my family, my friends, everything and everyone who gave meaning to my life at that time, behind, and I was utterly miserable and so lonely. Here’s the advice I was given:
Don’t let the past have any role in the future – how can you move forward if you keep living in your past? Let history be just that: history.
So, although it’s not easy, try your best to shift focus away from what “has been” to what “will be.”
Abby, there are so many reasons why we don’t let go of our past lives: thoughts of revenge or compensation which naturally make us feel we are in control; wanting an apology or hoping the person who has wronged us will feel regret; or worry that by forgetting the past, we will lose that link, we may lose those connections.
And, moving forward doesn't mean letting someone off the hook or minimizing wrongful actions and hurt; it also doesn’t mean you have to pretend that everything is fine. It is a very gradual, internal process – you just have to be determined that you want to end your pain, resentment and anger, so that YOU can move on and start living YOUR life – I think you deserve that.
Maybe you can start by seeing this move as a chance for a fresh start, an opportunity to build a new life, your life in the way you want?
@amberpep - Sorry to butt in, but I’m in a similar situation. I’m 75- after retirement 15 years ago we moved far away from friends to a retirement area. Due to long illness I missed making new acquaintances and lost contact with the few I had made. My husband is not much of a companion, so I’m pretty lonely. We do have 2 adult children living with us for now and they drag me out now and then!
You should have therapy at least once a week. I have Medicare and have a therapist who accepts Medicare. Since you are not financially secure you could see if your community offers any free activities. I don’t know if you like animals, but if you do it could be rewarding to volunteer at an animal shelter.
My final thought is that your children who begged you to move there have to take an active role helping you settle. We are not spring chickens any more! Please continue to post.
Hi, Abby. It's been a while since I've picked up on things. I seem to remember that you got a small dog. Am I right?
Money is a common denominator for many of us seniors. My wife and I are challenged to keep up with the bills, too. When my wife started getting Social Security, we dropped from more than $300 in food stamps to $35. That basically means that we live on my check, and now we're looking at $435 deductible for each of us on our medications. I just pray that we don't have any catastrophic money guzzler.
Our Camry was worn out after 22 years, and we had to take out a CD to buy something to replace it last year. I'm glad that the CD came up available at just the right time. There's no way we can afford car payments.
I wish our son and daughter and their families lived closer. Our son-in-law is in the Coast Guard, and he got moved from Boston to Alameda, CA. That's a lot closer - a 12 hour drive. They have a new daughter who's 9 months old, and a very active 3 year old girl. Our son and his family live in Indianapolis. Their daughter started 1st grade this year. Too far away.
I'm glad that our kids are in good financial condition. They don't share the wealth with us, but we'll survive.
Good to hear from you again.
Jim
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So your kids got up there and then have abandoned you? Is this what you’re trying to say? What were they thinking? Terrible.