Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays - most days - it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby