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Good morning and thanks for the kind words, @virginiatc No saint, just a guy who, like you, did it one day at a time! I'm glad to hear you are doing well!
I like sharing about caregiving here on Connect since I feel free telling it like I see it. I get quite tired of the barrage of (to me) unrealistic hogwash we see, hear, and read far too often on caregiving.
Currently my least favorite is a TV advertisement by a for-profit organization of home health aides, which includes the phrase 'after all we promised Dad we'd keep Mom at home'. GRRRRR! That is not always possible and to set people up and sell that unrealistic expectation irks me no end! When it came on last night I yelled at the TV so loudly our pup jumped up and barked at me!
In second place are the all too common articles by or about celebrities or the wealthy who tell stories of the amazing things they do for their caregiving, which again unless you have 'people', a privileged corporate position, or a ton of money are not what the average person encounters as they struggle with caregiving. Again it sets unrealistic expections for the vast makority of regular folks. Back in 2010 around this time of year (the 8th year of my wifes' war) I answered the phone at my home office. It was exactly 8 am and in two sentences I was fired from my job by my new boss who told me, even though I was the top producer in the division, she didn't want anyone on her team 'who had anything other than the job on his mind', meaning my wife's illness. Two days later I read an article in a national publication entitled 'caregiving was the best time of my life' about a senior vice president who, when her husband was diagnosed with cancer was told by her company she would continue to get full pay, full benefits, all the time she needed at home, and that her job would be open for her when she returned. That one really made me nuts! I don't believe that is the norm and, again, wonder how much damage that does to those who are treated differently by their company. Worse, perhaps, is the damage it does to non-caregivers as they think that is what caregivers get from their employers.
OK, I will put my soapbox away now. I promise! Then again it does feel good to vent 🙂
May the force be with you and all caregivers today.
Strength, courage, and peace!
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I have the same reaction to that “we promised Dad” ad. I may have yelled at the tv a time or two myself. It is so wrong and manipulative. And anyone who asks a family member to promise something like that, either for themselves or another loved one, doesn’t understand the limits of caregiving or is just being selfish. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to be fired like that. Here you were already trying to do all you could to take care of your wife, you know, being a good person, and how are you rewarded? By being fired. Geez. Anyway, you are doing good here, and I hope feeling some satisfaction, by letting caregivers let their hair down, in a safe setting and more anonymously than “complaining” to family or friends who can’t understsnd. Some days our personal resources run low and we need to tell someone. On other, better days, we can listen to someone else with compassionate understanding.