I'm almost 37 and therefore probably have more of a perspective on your kids. As someone else said, and I've heard this before, people just don't have the maturity for caring for their parents in that way until they get a bit older. I even still feel like I'm not good at this because I have health issues of my own, and have fallen back into the child role being taken care of by the parent.

This isn't too minimize your struggles at all because what you're feeling is valid. I wonder if you could find a way to tell them that you enjoy talking to them. It doesn't have to be confrontational or anything, you could just say you had fun talking on whatever day. Or you could call them just to talk and later say that you enjoyed the conversation. It could be more of a natural increase that way and they may not even realize it.

You could also email them or use other methods of contact. I know I greatly prefer email and I only ever email my dad - I don't think I've talked on the phone to him in months.

Also the fact that they contact you with problems might show that they trust you and view you as someone who can take care of them, so it can be a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I only email my dad with car problems, but I love him more than life. I do nowadays try to email him just to say hi because I started to realize that he enjoys hearing from me. It just didn't really occur to me before.

Good luck dealing with everything - we are all here to help.