I, too, am a grandmother. I have vowed not to be what I consider 'a burden' to my overworked, busy, exhausted children. I would take a taxi rather than ask them to drive me somewhere. (I have a car so can drive myself...) I want them to think of me as a bright and cheerful light in their lives. I do the grandmother thing; bringing soups and muffins and spaghetti sauce to help them out. I buy clothing for the wee ones on line. I just babysat a grandchild with a high fever and bronchitis...risking getting it myself. (I take oregano oil in the throat and oregano oil diluted in olive oil in my nose at the first sign of a cold...and have ALMOST had probably 2 dozen colds in the past 7 years plus 3 actual colds that I didn't catch right away!)
My children have told me to please tell them if something is wrong with me. They were upset with me when I kept things to myself. So, I tell them. No mind games. Maybe I sound harsh. If I do, sorry. I am just telling you how I handle the granny role.