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Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Feb 18, 2019 | Replies (357)Comment receiving replies
I totally agree and feel the same way. My problem is when I need them to at least call when I’m not doing well. I suffer from depression, neuropathy, diabetes, epilepsy and chronic pain so I sometimes need a little love from them. I’d like to be thought of more than the one to give money or get them out of a bind.
Replies to "I totally agree and feel the same way. My problem is when I need them to..."
Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for us, listen to us....really listen and care, don’t fix it just tell us things like: “mom that must be so hard for you, how can I best help you?” Or: “gosh mom, I didn’t realize you have the amount of chronic pain you have and how it’s so easy for you to feel invisible.”
I’m in my late 50’s, and I’ve had to tell our 3 kids (22-29) that sometimes I need them to do this, and I give them specific examples of what would be good ways to also pour into me, as my husband and I do for them.
I know it’s common for we older moms to feel invisible and like we don’t have much to offer anymore. It makes sense! We spent YEARS and thousands of hours “directing household traffic” and then it can feel like we’re no longer needed in so many ways.
Yes, I do agree with the fact that we were probably all that way in our 20’s, but it can be talked through so that even our needs can be met.
Our 33 year old son in law, and his 2 adult brothers, still to this day talk on the phone with their parents once/week! Every Sunday around dinner time. They let the parents FT with the grandkids. At first I thought this was controlling on his parents’ part, and just plain weird. But now having heard some of these conversations, and see him FT them, it is such a blessing on both sides. They are connected in a way they never otherwise would be.
You’re not invisible because I see you and care about you! And so do many others on here. 💗
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I understand what you’re feeling as I’ve gone thru the same thing with my sons. I suffer from anxiety and depression from chronic pain, heart disease and lung disease. I finally came out and told my youngest son that it hurts me that he never asks how I’m doing. He’s gotten a little better but I think it’s the generation. My son is 34 my oldest son is 46. He’s only slightly better at asking. I’m lucky to have a daughter that talks to me almost every day and visits weekly. Start by telling your kids how you feel. Also try to find something to do that makes you happy. And you don’t always have to jump to help. I know that’s hard but they learn better sometimes by having to do things themselves. Hang in there!