Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health

@azkidney57 - Good afternoon. You are so lucky to be cancer free right now! Scanxiety is every cancer patient's bane to carry, but I am so glad that we get it. Imagine that there were no follow up scans to help catch cancer early! Being mindful actually does help, exercise, the whole bit. I allow myself to worry. Having cancer is no holiday. I have to feel everything to go from one stage of having cancer to another and then start all over again when I get another cancerous lung nodule. I've been doing this for over 22 years and for me it doesn't get easier. I have multifocal adenocarcinoma of the lungs. I'm carrying around maybe 4 cancerous lesions but won't know if any of them will be treated until early December, 6 months after my last CT scan. Writing about it here and in my blog https://my20yearscancer.com/, certainly helps.
I wish doctors would keep all of their opinions to them self. All doctors worry about metastasis. So do patients. We can manage our cancer reactions by tending to what is the most important for us to tend to to help ourselves on an even keel. Early AM waking hours are the hardest to handle. Everything is quiet and there is a sense of isolation. Can you read or write to feel less isolated> Do you have family at home?
Has you doctor given you reading materials about your cancer, or has your team of doctors?

@merpreb By golly, if you can hold your breath that long, I certainly bow to you LOL. I will be journaling my thoughts, and doing some sewing to create lap robes for the infusion center there at the cancer institute. I believe in being of service, and channeling my anxiety and nervousness into creative things fills a need in me. My mind says "it is what it is, let's get the results and diagnosis so we can tackle it." I told my oncologist, "I want to address this, and be as great a patient to you as you are as a doctor to me." I am sad that my husband will not be with me when I get the results, because he is not really understanding everything. He will be 800+ miles away. I know that I have been given this row to hoe as the saying goes, for a reason.
Ginger

When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been so healthy. I was depressed and anxious for weeks. I have only recently gotten over the diagnosis. I am in the process of getting a new oncologist. I am private about my cancer even with family. Early morning hours are indeed the hardest because you are alone with your thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why the hell I got cancer! But I am learning to cope. Mostly I am learning to keep busy. I have a full time job so that helps. I am not the same person anymore. I have changed. I find I have much less tolerance for some people. I don’t like to be around lots of people they annoy me. My god is a great comfort. I have a few good friends I rely on. I try not to let worry dictate my life. But at times I do think about the cancer coming back and I have scans in October. I just have to deal with it. I am looking into a cancer group to join where I can be around other people who shar similar experiences. I am sleeping better nowadays and that helps. I want to get my life back on track because I feel derailed! This group helps because I read how others cope. Cancer sucks but we must lose hope!

When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been so healthy. I was depressed and anxious for weeks. I have only recently gotten over the diagnosis. I am in the process of getting a new oncologist. I am private about my cancer even with family. Early morning hours are indeed the hardest because you are alone with your thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why the hell I got cancer! But I am learning to cope. Mostly I am learning to keep busy. I have a full time job so that helps. I am not the same person anymore. I have changed. I find I have much less tolerance for some people. I don’t like to be around lots of people they annoy me. My god is a great comfort. I have a few good friends I rely on. I try not to let worry dictate my life. But at times I do think about the cancer coming back and I have scans in October. I just have to deal with it. I am looking into a cancer group to join where I can be around other people who shar similar experiences. I am sleeping better nowadays and that helps. I want to get my life back on track because I feel derailed! This group helps because I read how others cope. Cancer sucks but we must lose hope!

When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been so healthy. I was depressed and anxious for weeks. I have only recently gotten over the diagnosis. I am in the process of getting a new oncologist. I am private about my cancer even with family. Early morning hours are indeed the hardest because you are alone with your thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why the hell I got cancer! But I am learning to cope. Mostly I am learning to keep busy. I have a full time job so that helps. I am not the same person anymore. I have changed. I find I have much less tolerance for some people. I don’t like to be around lots of people they annoy me. My god is a great comfort. I have a few good friends I rely on. I try not to let worry dictate my life. But at times I do think about the cancer coming back and I have scans in October. I just have to deal with it. I am looking into a cancer group to join where I can be around other people who shar similar experiences. I am sleeping better nowadays and that helps. I want to get my life back on track because I feel derailed! This group helps because I read how others cope. Cancer sucks but we must lose hope!

If you need a friend, you know where to find me.

Not sure if this will help you... I have to read it sometimes to remind myself to stop feeling so angry or sad about things.. because I have a lot of why me moments.. see below: took most of it from a book I read....

If I let cancer make me bitter or angry, then I would of spent the last days of my life in sorrow and isolation; making a living hell for my loved ones, and be remembered if at all, a bitter old woman who let cancer defeat her.

I would receive their temporary show of sympathy, but in the end they would only have contempt for me and how I left them;

On the other hand:

If I were positive and hopeful, it wouldn't change the day of my death a bit, but, it would mean that I would spend the last days of my life breathing deeply, clearly, contented and blissful, and in love with my family and everyone I met...
I would die a happy woman and be remembered as that brave soul who faced a terrible death with courage, fortitude and aplomb.
I would be cherished by those who knew me.

Why waste months of my life wailing about an end that wasn't even near?

We must never lose hope sorry but my dog jumped on me while I was texting. Also, I interchange God and dog a lot. I think about God a lot. I was raised Catholic. My dog is my best friend! He is my constant companion. When I first came back from the hospital after my nephrectomy I sat down in the living room and he didn’t jump on me as usual. He sat next to me and put his chin on my lap and stared at me. Best welcome home ever!

I found I had less tolerance for meaningless small talk. I never did the why me question because I always really expected it, but I did struggle a bit until I was about 8 months in to treatment a doctor gave me some chemical help with that. I firmly believe in Zoloft being better living through chemistry now. I went off for a few years, but when my husbands bone cancer returned right away and had to return to Mayo for his second transplant, I went back on it. I try to be grateful for every day we have together and be mindful of the moment, but truthfully sometimes it is really hard. If antidepressants aren’t appropriate for people like us, I don’t know who they are. Because there is so many feelings and thoughts to process all the time. I find that scan time is the longest weeks of the year.

When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been so healthy. I was depressed and anxious for weeks. I have only recently gotten over the diagnosis. I am in the process of getting a new oncologist. I am private about my cancer even with family. Early morning hours are indeed the hardest because you are alone with your thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why the hell I got cancer! But I am learning to cope. Mostly I am learning to keep busy. I have a full time job so that helps. I am not the same person anymore. I have changed. I find I have much less tolerance for some people. I don’t like to be around lots of people they annoy me. My god is a great comfort. I have a few good friends I rely on. I try not to let worry dictate my life. But at times I do think about the cancer coming back and I have scans in October. I just have to deal with it. I am looking into a cancer group to join where I can be around other people who shar similar experiences. I am sleeping better nowadays and that helps. I want to get my life back on track because I feel derailed! This group helps because I read how others cope. Cancer sucks but we must lose hope!