I relate to this as well. It seemed like we had just reached the stage of our lives to enjoy life together. Our children are grown, we had bought a house in the country with a pool to relax. We had a garden we enjoyed working together and canning the vegetables. We were finally able to afford to travel a couple of times a year. Life seemed great... then bam! He is diagnosed with liver cancer and died within 23 days. My world was completely shattered. I have no idea how to do this thing called life by myself. But in that 23 final days we talked ALOT. He did everything he possibly could to help me prepare for the days ahead. Through my faith, prayers of friends, and alot of tears I am trying. But there are moments I wonder why. I really wanted to grow old together. These posts I am reading here help me to know others have walked this journey ahead of me. I can do it too. Just not the journey I thought I would be on at 51 years old. 😢