@kdo0827 this has resonated with me...when my husband was sick, it was by God's divine grace that I was able to deal with watching him deteriorate before my eyes...I felt God was on my shoulder the entire journey....
After he died, my faith was really tested for I didn't feel God's presence as strongly...Right before Christmas, I had a complete meltdown and prayed harder than I had ever prayed for God to handle this for me because I just couldn't anymore...honest to goodness, the next day I felt such a weight lifted off of me and really feel I turned a bit of a corner after that...so, maybe He was carrying me during the worst of my days....