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Yesterday I did well because I stayed busy. However, last night wasn't too great. I could not sleep. I tried watching TV, put Lavender essential oil drops into my diffuser, got back up, played Backgammon on my laptop. The thoughts would not slow down. I had flashbacks of his last days when I felt so helpless and afraid. It is still hard for me to accept this as real. My mind knows he died, but my feelings still won't turn loose. I'm feeling OK this morning and planning to get a few things done. It's hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just want to be alone today. I know this isn't good, but sometimes you grow weary of pretending. I don't want to cause others around me to feel badly. This is a special season of joy.
Replies to "Yesterday I did well because I stayed busy. However, last night wasn't too great. I could..."
@liz223 It is okay to want to be alone and take some time to recharge. This is a joyous time of the year and an even more difficult time when you are grieving. You are doing your best and it is okay to succumb to the grief and feel it as you can. Keep well hydrated and stay well. Not an easy time for you.
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@liz223 There will be days, or nights, or hours, that you feel like you did last night. To insist there isn't or won't be, is a disservice to yourself. Continue to be gentle on yourself. Think of continuing a tradition you both enjoyed together with an emphasis on remembering how much joy you both received. Think of morphing that into a new tradition for you.i'll wager there are people in your new community who have the same challenges this year. We're here for you, and thank you for reaching out.
Ginger