I don’t know if this warrants a “nice to meet you” or a “so sorry to meet you in this manner” but your story hits very close to home: I also had no idea I was sick. One weekend I was spending time in NYC with my childhood best friend; the next, I was in the hospital. The doctors had no idea what was wrong and I thought I had just caught the flu that had been going around the office. My diagnosis began with pneumonia and changed to autoimmune hepatitis, acute renal failure, respiratory failure, and acute liver failure throughout the course of one month. (Yes: one month.) I was hospitalized on April 5, 2019, and placed on the list May 5, 2019, with a MELD score of 39. It took multiple MRIs, CT scans, X-rays, ‘oscopys, IVs, blood tests, and 17 blood transfusions to arrive at those final conclusions. I had a liver transplant on May 10, 2019, with an understanding that I’d probably need both kidneys transplanted as well. I spent a few more weeks on dialysis post-transplant. Eleven months later, so far, so good!

It’s frightening to know that the physical I had one year before didn’t show anything. It’s frightening to be told “you have five days to live.” It’s heartbreaking to know that people stay on these lists for years and live in fear for years, yet I spent five days on the list. It was surreal to be told, “The good news is, you’re at the top of the list; the bad news is, you’re at the top of the list.” I feel grateful and guilty; happy and sad; but above all, feel blessed.

Heavy but true. I know you’re 4 months out. I promise you it will get easier.