@rachelanne It sounds like you have been through an ordeal. I know it's hard to trust, but you need to put yourself first. Going online is fine for education, but you might not accurately interpret your condition, and you could put yourself at risk by not seeking medical attention. Anger can make you overlook things that are important. I've missed clues too that affected my health because I interpreted something wrong. Since I had sinus issues and allergies, I didn't notice the spread of an infection in my jaw bone from a tooth with an old root canal. I came very close to loosing the tooth and I certainly have emotions connected to this because I fell on my face and broke my teeth as a kid. That caused a cascade of problems and fears over the years, and I could have handled that better. I just didn't know how.

Two years ago, I was in trouble with bone spurs and a ruptured disc pressing on my spinal cord, but the problem was different. I was very anxious and I knew I needed help, but no surgeon wanted to help me. That is when I came to Mayo. I found the environment there very compassionate, and the surgeon who saw me really cared. He understood what 5 other surgeons missed. I had to confront my fears and advocate for myself even when I was afraid, but when I found the right surgeon with his compassion and down to earth sense of humor, I knew I was in a safe place and I could trust my life to this man.

Everything is a choice and how you think about something is also a choice. You have to consider if the energy investment is worthy of your time. I am glad you find calm and healing in art. I think that makes a big difference and ads a lot to the environment at Mayo. I have asthma too and if I am upset, I trigger some issues. I've learned how to reduce my blood pressure with slow deep breathing in time to calm music that I listen to. It's a nice escape. Another strategy is to have a "safe place" in your mind and go there when you need to. It can be a real place that you have a picture of or something that you imagine, but in this place you will be calm and cared for. Find a piece of art that speaks to you , and that can be your place. I've had to move on from doctors who made mistakes and difficult circumstances. It's hard, but just take one step at a time. You may want to go back to the first page in this discussion and read a bit about a gift I made for my surgeon. I was inspired and I think you would like it. I got a second chance, and I am going to celebrate that every way that I can. It sounds like you have also had a second chance. I don't know your situation. Keep looking for doctors you can trust. You might need them some day.

Rachel, I also wanted to add....thank you... my badge just turned Silver on this post I wrote to you as my 100th post here on Connect. Thanks for joining the conversation. I guess you're the lucky one today!