@lorettat
Even though I personally have no experience of addiction in my family or my life, you have my sincerest sympathy for what you face . The fact that you grew up among addicts coupled with the fact that you may have genetically inherited addictive tendencies yourself means that when you were developing as a youth you were likely imprinted for life with the addictions you were witness to during that time. You grew up with a no win situation. You should feel no blame for any of this, there is no fault here. It's just a very sad set of circumstances and for you to be struggling with this your whole life and be as lucid-sounding as you are is a testament to your character. Best, Hank