Hi My new MCTD friends. Today I went to doctor I am in pretty bad condition., doctor read thru my notes in my medical notes book, and I have severe symptoms.,I’m on some strong medication (clarihexal 500 mg and exinef 90mg and prednisone 10mg and interflora 250mg as probiotic + nasal spray flomist) to keep me going till I see the rheumatologist 14 November. It’s long time to wait but my condition is rare here so we don’t have a lot of doctors that works with this condition of mine. I feel very down for some reason and at one stage felt like I would cry..but I swallowed hard and put the tears away. I mean I have to be strong. I still feel like I’m not dealing with what is reality because I don’t know why or how I got to this.., I mean no one in my family has anything like this and they never even heard about it. How do I deal with it because whenever I want to try all I want to do is cry. How do I put myself together again and live?! I’m so scared of dying while my kids are so small.