Hi everyone! I wanted to share my story hoping that it may help someone out there or at least give them some hope. I want to start out by saying I still have my "breathing issue" BUT I can say I feel about 60% better & have gotten back to enjoying my life again (something I never thought would be possible). I also want to say I believe that people here have a variety of different health problems causing similar symptoms on this thread & this is just my personal journey.

My breathing problem started April 19th 2020 while I was at work, I don't remember the exact minute that it started but at some point I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. The term I can use to best describe this is "air hunger". I'm a nurse & work at a hospital so I instantly checked my oxygen level which was fine. It was though my brain was telling my body you need to take deeper satisfying breaths & fill your lungs all the way up in order to get enough air. I describe the sensation as the feeling you get when you're underwater & are on your last little bit of air & need to come up. The sensation of suffocation was there 24/7, every minute of every day except for when I was asleep. I checked myself into the ED thinking I had COVID (which was negative) & they sent me home. In the months that followed I struggled to get through every single day. I had nearly every test possible: Chest X ray x2, Pulmonary function test, EGD, 3 in depth blood work panels & Throat CT. I had Chiropractic adjustments, learned buteyko breathing & tried hypnotherapy four times. I had an allergy consult (revealing seasonal allergies which I take Claritin for). I saw GI doctor who performed an EGD which did reveal esophagitis, I took omeprazole for 2 months to heal that- but no change in my breathing. Grasping at straws, I saw a homeopathic doctor who did a full work up, the only thing found was low iron levels, I took iron supplements for a while but no improvement. I kept hitting dead ends & every doctor after finding no physical cause would say the same thing, "I think this is just anxiety". I didn't agree, but decided it was worth a shot so I took buspar for three months (did not help my breathing).

When this first began, I was obsessed with discovering the cause of my issue, as a nurse I couldn't wrap my mind around how I could feel like this for so long with no physical explanation & no break from the hell I was living in. My inability to solve the mystery coupled w the feeling that I was suffocating 24/7 caused me to spiral into a dark place. I have never been anxious or depressed in my entire life but I developed severe anxiety & depression. Multiple times in the first month, I contemplated suicide, as it seemed the only way to end what felt like a living nightmare. To people around me, I looked perfectly normal & it was frustrating to try to explain what I was experiencing to people. They would offer responses like "Just stop taking the deep breaths, it's not hard".

It's been 9 months & I am still conscious of my breathing & feel the need to take deeper than normal breaths to satisfy a sensation that returns again & again. I wish that I was writing this saying I am 100% better-- but though I am not "back to normal", I have made incredible progress & am feeling much better & I honestly feel that in time I will slowly find my way back to natural breathing. I have come to terms that this isn't one of those things that is going to disappear suddenly. Instead, my breathing gradually finds its balance as I stop trying to control it & one day I believe I will realize I am breathing without noticing ( the way it should be). After having every possible physical cause ruled out I truly believe that my breathing issue started from a place of severe stress/anxiety that I didn't even allow myself to feel which manifested into a physical symptom that has now become a habit/compulsion of sorts. The key to me moving forward & enjoying my life again, has been letting go of trying to "get better". I stopped searching for magic cures & researching for hours on the internet reading anecdotal stories. I notice that with each day I am able to focus on other things more & for the most part when I am busy & distracted with friends or work I hardly notice it all. It took me time to get to where I am. I spent months crying myself to sleep every night wondering why is this happening to me. Some things I do that have helped me on my journey to healing---I work out 4-5 times per week, eat healthy, speak positive affirmations outloud, meditate/do yoga daily & talk with my psychologist weekly for support. And most importantly I do my best to let go more each day & allow myself to not dwell on it.

I remind myself that no matter what, I will grow stronger through this & grow deeper compassion for those suffering around me. I remind myself that everything in life is temporary. That no matter how bleak things can seem, it won't stay this way forever & that my best days are yet to come. Everyone reading this that feels hopeless, that feels things will never get better. Don't quit. You are stronger than you know. Hugs xx