@pandakay727 @merpreb I understand fear of the medical community. My childhood had many traumatic events as well with doctors and dentists, and this was something I had to learn to overcome. It is difficult, but we have to live with the consequences of the choices we make. It's easy to avoid something out of fear, but that can change your health status and even cause permanent disability that could have been prevented. It is life changing when you can defeat your fears, and it empowers you to live healthy and it feels good. It's a process that begins with one small step. You have to decide that you will no longer let fear make your choices for you. Ask all the questions you need to understand why your fear controls you, and to understand the health issues that you have. If you commit yourself to this, you can do it. I had to choose between facing my fear or a life of certain disability, and I know how difficult it has been for my parents to live in wheelchairs with their disabilities. This is why I am responding to you now to let you know that it is possible. We get trapped into our childhood thinking that we are defenseless and at the mercy of an authority who will cause pain to us and who won't listen. We are vulnerable and powerless. As adults, we get to make our own choices, and this childish thought pattern doesn't really serve us anymore. We can weigh the pros and cons and choose our best possible outcome. That is empowering. Sometimes we don't know how much courage we have inside until we are tested.

Music is healing, and since you have a song you've connected with, use it every chance you get. If you read my Mayo story, I used art to calm my fears. I also used music that I could loose myself in along with deep relaxed breathing and I learned to lower my blood pressure. Music can take your mind somewhere else when you need to escape.

Here's my story. https://sharing.mayoclinic.org/2019/01/09/using-the-art-of-medicine-to-overcome-fear-of-surgery/